Pics: Jessica Simpson’s Bikini Bonanza

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In what could easily go down as the creepiest pic of the week, Jessica Simpson (with her parents and hairdresser Ken Paves in tow) gives us her best O mouth while watching models debut her new swimwear line in Miami. The bathing suits, which Jess says she is "beyond excited" about, range in style "from all-American girl to bohemian." At the fashion show, Jess got so worked up she exclaimed, "I don’t even know what to do with myself!" Shutting that mouth would probably be a good start.

More pics of bikinis, Kim Kardashian and Papa Joe Simpson – under the cut!

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Is This Man Ugly?

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Hip-hop head honcho Karrine Steffans is on the cusp of releasing another tell-all (The Vixen Diaries hits stores September 25), which means she’s flapping her notorious lips to whomever will listen for the sake of promotion. In this particular case, the woman best known as Superhead, dishes on her…arrangement with Lil’ Wayne in a cover story for the September issue of King. The secret of their mutual arrangement? He’s ugly and she digs it! Says Karrine:

"I always thought he was ugly…One day I Googled Lil Wayne to see what he looked like now. I was like, ‘Oh.’ The memory I had of him was this young kid coming into himself. I started listening to his music and saw that he grew into his ugliness. I don’t like cutesy-tootsie guys, I like a dude that’s a little bit ugly. I don’t want no fine ass…I don’t need no baby hair or your sideburns to be looking like a swirl."

Wow. Lil Wayne overcame ugliness only to land a woman who’s slept with everybody and their favorite rapper! Inspiring! Hip-hop hasn’t seen a triumph of the human spirit this moving since Ma$e learned to talk through rapping. [Image credit: Getty]

Britney Makes Crazy Music with Her Mouth

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Britney071607_2 X17 has posted of a video (and pics!) of Brit driving away from a store blasting what sources say is a new tune from the washed up pop starlet. While it certainly is exciting to hear ten seconds of Britney moaning "Yeahhhh" over beats, the real magic happen inside the store when she realizes she’s about to be accosted by a paparazzi swarm. After appearing shocked by the onslaught of cameras, she exits the vitamin shop while groaning like a dying (but still sassy) lamb about to be butchered. It is both hilarious and horrifying at the same time – and 100% Britney. Something tells me this is how she and her sons communicate at home. One dead sheep groan means "It’s time to change your diaper," and two groans roughly translates into " Get mommy her damn cigarettes, you idiot!"

More pics of Britney making the "Holy eff I’m horrified by the paparazzi – but look at my sexy pink bikini shirt!" face can be found here.

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Remy Ma (Meat) Packing?

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Terror Squad rapper Remy Ma has lived up to her violent reputation, turning herself over to police yesterday after being accused of shooting one of her best friends on Friday night. According to the victim, Makeda Barnes-Joseph, the two were out partying in New York City’s Meatpacking District (which, for those of you who’ve been, is this story’s first mistake). Remy asked Makeda to hold her purse, and when Makeda handed it back to her, Remy thought that her wallet felt a bit light. So she allegedly shot Makeda twice, dumped Makeda’s purse out and started going through the contents. "What hurts me is that when she shot me she went over and dumped the bag," Maked told The New York Daily News. "She didn’t even say, ‘Oh my God, I just shot her.’"

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Lindsays Waves Goodbye to Rehab, Hello to Sin City

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Lindsay071607 The Mean Girl is finally free! After 45 days of rehab (complete with MySpace love letters, a birthday party in bad shoes, and lots of AA meetings) Lindsay Lohan has walked out of Promises Treatment Facility a clean woman. And where did she immediately head to celebrate her sobriety? Las Vegas. But don’t you worry – LiLo may have hit up nightclub Pure to celebrate her assistant’s birthday, but there was only water and Red Bull on hand for the rehabbed starlet. And to convince you doubters out there, Linds is going to be sporting an alcohol monitoring bracelet (which conveniently does not track cocaine snortage) as proof that she’s staying sober when surrounded by booze.

The starlet is beginning her new outpatient treatment with drama already on the horizon. In an online chat with blogger CelebSlam, a p*ssed off LiLo revealed that naked photos of her taken by Calum Best have been stolen off her computer and that she’s got her lawyers on the job. Poor Lindsay – millions of dollars in the bank and yet she can’t seem to find a hacker-proof computer. Still, can’t we just leave the starlet alone for a second so she can get her sh*t straightened out? If she has some space she’s sure to do something uber-insane again. And really, how much more bare, freckled skin do we need to see?

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Monday: Paris Has a Playdate; Snoop Snags Reality Show

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Paris071607 Brangelina Brood Leaves Prague
Bony Saint Angelina, Papa Pitt, and their tiny crew of kids boarded a private jet out of Prague this weekend. Are they headed home to New Orleans or could they be off to adopt another tot? [Just Jared]

Paris: G-Rated Sleepover with Pals
Paris invited friends to a weekend sleepover at her fave Beverly Hills Hotel bungalow where the group chowed on grilled cheese sandwiches and strawberry shakes and watch old movies. [NY Post]

Simon Blasts Kelly Clarkson
Idol judge Simon Cowell went after Kelly Clarkson, following her attack on aging label head Clive Davis. Does the embattled pop star have any friends left in the business? [TMZ]

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Rock of Love: Let the Comments Begin!

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Depending on your taste, our new dating-based elimination show with Poison frontman Bret Michaels is a sexy turn on or an animalistic turn off. Or maybe it’s a combination of both. Regardless of how you feel about Rock of Love, it would be hard to call the show boring — from the elimination in the first act to the impromptu pole dancing to a whole lot of crazy talk. Let us know what you make of all this insanity right now and stay tuned for our official recap!

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The Weekly Wrap-Up: Paris’ Pants, Beyoncé’s BFF, Lindsay’s Love Letters

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