Dumb-Ass Rock Lyrics, Part 23

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Most of the time it’s the power of the music that gets you, not the eloquence of the words. Rock was made to be enjoyed as a total experience. But lyrics can’t be ultra shit, you know – there is a line somewhere. Like: "Slowly walking down the hall/Faster than a cannonball." If you’ll recall, that comes from the Gallagher brothers – a little thing called "Champagne Supernova." It, along with songs by U2 and Human League, made the BBC’s "Top 10 Worst Lyrics" list today. Duran Duran zealots should check to see why their boys are being dissed so bad.

What song has the dumbest lyrics you’ve come across?

Rock Honors: Genesis In The Garage

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Our ramp-up to Rock Honors (May 24) always includes revealing chats with the music’s stars. Clips for "With Honors" usually find the artists revealing career secrets.

Genesis is a superstar band, right? For decades they’ve made records, and for decades fans around the have snapped ‘em up as soon as possible. Well, according to the guys, that wasn’t always the case. If anyone’s looking for rare copies of their first disc, check over near the tool rack in the garage.

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Charm School – Extra Credit (Yellow Kool-Aid Edition)

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It’s all fun and games until someone has to pee — or at least, that’s what the first of this week’s Charm School extras suggest. See a very tipsy Brooke freak out on the bus when she discovers that she has to use the ladies’ room. Since the bus is short and doesn’t have a bathroom, Brooke’s forced to take matters into her own hands…well, actually, her matter goes into a bottle. By the way she fills it up, you can tell that she has some amazing aim. Anyone have any toilet paper?

The second is a bit heavier — it’s an extended cut of the Larissa-Mo’Nique blow-up that went down after the debate. It’s worth a watch, as it sheds more light on both parties’ sides. Larissa is considered by many to be the villain of the show, but watching her share her frustration might change a few minds.

Wear Your Grammy

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Jossstone_2Grammy fanatics, rejoice! At a press conference earlier today, Motown Svengali Quincy Jones and barefoot soul-slinger Joss Stone were on hand to help announce some news: Grammy Brand clothing. Sure, they discussed some other items commemorating the awards spectacular’s 50th anniversary — like a coffee table book, a new 30,000-square-foot Grammy Museum in L.A., and Aretha Franklin’s philanthropic and musical endeavors — but we were taken with the part about the “high-end fashion collection” for men and women coming to boutiques this fall. Expect everything from $49 T-shirts to $9,000 black-diamond-studded sunglasses. A portion of the proceeds benefits MusiCares, a non-profit that helps support needy musicians. Would you wear Grammy?

T.I. Capped … by Water Balloon

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How much would you pay to catch someone who hit you with a water balloon? If you’re a rap superstar, then it might be worth $50,000 to you.

During a recent concert at Bentley College, T.I. was hit with a water balloon (watch video above). After getting played, the Atlanta MC stops the music and lays a verbal smackdown on the crowd. Then T.I. offers 50 large to anyone willing to pull an anti-Cam’ron and snitch out the offender so the rapper can, uh, talk to him.

No word on whether the offending prankster was ever caught. So if you go to Bentley, beware; the Deadeye Dick (or Jane) might still be prankin’ it up on your premises.

In other T.I. news, another cut from his upcoming album T.I. vs. T.I.P. has leaked to the ‘net. It features Wyclef Jean. Listen here, snitches.

Blog Best-Of: Jessica’s Juggs

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Jsimp_linksJessica Simpson attends the Fashion Institute Gala. Her charitable donation is her cleavage. [Egotastic!]

- Rose McGowan has acknowledged some, but not all of her plastic surgery. Do not believe her lies! [Dlisted]

- Wait a minute…Avril Lavigne can smile? And here I thought she lacked the facial muscles that would allow her to do so. Amazing. [CityRag]

- Diddy and Nelly share a tender embrace. Homoeroticism: a surefire way to preserve your sexy. [Bossip]

- Melanie Griffith is starting to look like Jocelyn Wildenstein, a socialite who looks like a cat. That’s a really roundabout way of trying to attract Siegfried and/or Roy. [Best Week Ever]

Paris Bites Back

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Paris_revenge_2For maybe the first time in her adult life, Paris Hilton isn’t going down…without a fight, that is. The entitled socialite has filed an appeal to revoke the 45-day jail sentence she has been slapped with for violating probation. Plus, Paris is taking her plea (and her warped notion of justice) to the people: a recent post on her MySpace urges fans to sign (or, per her spelling, "sihn") a petition that will end up on California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s desk, begging for pardon. The petition must be read to be believed, but here’s a little taste of the best of what it has to offer: "[Paris] provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives." More than 2,000 people have signed it so far — that’s a lot of self-loathing all in one place!

And speaking of self-loathing, Paris’s ex-publicist, Elliot Mintz, is now her ex-ex-publicist. He was rehired Monday night, having been fired over not informing Paris that her license was suspended. Now at least for one man, beauty and excitement lives!

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Tuesday: Asia’s A Tough Doll, The Hoff Is Blocked From His Kids

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Asia2 Asia: From the Hood to Pussycat Doll
The 19-year-old winner from the Bronx talks hate, jealousy, having to watch her back, and getting pregnant in high school. [New York Post]

Judge Bans Hasselhoff From Kids
The actor’s visitation rights were suspended after his drunk-hamburger-eating-on-the-floor incident hit the Internet. [E! Online]

Nick Cannon Proposes to Model
The MTV star and his Victoria’s Secret girlfriend of three months are apparently engaged. Sorry ladies. [New York Post]

Read more…

Idols Stay Alive: How Deep Is Their Love?

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The choices are endless: everything from "Staying Alive" to "Words" to "Nights on Broadway" are up for grabs. So it’s tough to predict what Barry Gibb songs the final four are going to do tonight on American Idol. The oldest member of the Bee Gees is this week’s mentor, and though he’s had some trouble lately, he quipped on his Idol diary that’s he’s had fun schooling Blake, LaKisha, Jordin, and Melinda over the last few days.

Which Bee Gees tune do you think each contestant will tackle tonight?

Sanjaya Loves…New York?

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Call it a ploy for another 15 minutes. Call it a further bid to prove his heterosexuality. Call it crazy, or whatever else you want, but the fact is that booted Idol Sanjaya Malkar may be heading up his greatest American swindle yet by trying out for I Love New York 2. ILoveNewYork2.com now features a profile purportedly created by Sanjaya. Included are some shots, a video of him playing with Sour Patch Kids (is that a comment on New York’s personality?) and a brief message that includes the line, "…When I saw the opportunity to get jiggy with New York, I saw a way to even top my pony-hawk!!" It’s now the No. 2 highest-ranked profile — it could be No. 1 within hours.

Of course, it’s not likely that Sanjaya could make the show — at 17, he’s too young, for one thing (contestants must be at least 21). Additionally, there’s no evidence that the profile isn’t the work of an outside prankster — there are no exclusive images and the aforementioned video has been available on YouTube for over a month. Still, can you imagine the sparks that would fly if he did make it on the show? We’d have another 12 Pack in our hands, if you get my drift. Wink, wink…awkward smile.