Arcade Fire vs. the World

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Back when the entire Pitchfork editorial staff was getting their name tattooed on their knuckles, Canada’s Arcade Fire were about as threatening as a group of CPAs. (Although there were a lot of ‘em.)

Now with a new album to promote, the Neon Bible band are mad as hell and they’re not gonna take it anymore. The indie bed-wetters have only gone and challenged U2, Oasis and the Rolling Stones out for a rumble. Our money’s on the Stones. Ronnie has a mean right hook. Whined frontman WIn Butler:

"In the UK there’s this kind of rock star competition. I don’t know if U2 started it, or the Stones or Oasis, but a lot of bands think in terms of: ‘I’m going to be the biggest band in the world. F*ck all those bands who’ve got no ambition.’ I think that’s a total crock of sh*t."

No one has told the Stones about the invention of the telephone and nobody cares what Oasis thinks, so they were unavailable for comment. However, Bono quickly set up a thinktank with Angelina Jolie to campaign for the recognition of crocks of sh*t everywhere.

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Photo_20x9_1 Photos: Arcade Fire

They Spinnin’! Friday’s Hip-Hop Headlines

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Happy Birth-Dre!
On the big four-two, Dr. Detox says the most anticipated rap CD ever is definitely coming out this year. Definitely. He’s just not sure which month …

Dirty Diamond
Meanwhile, we shock the world by airing a behind-the-bling doc featuring the grimiest of them all (take a look at the comments)

Re-Serch
‘Course, VH1′s own hip-hop cred (don’t laugh) has everything to do with a white guy from New York who’s got a new release in the works

Jus Think
This conscientious MC gave White Rapper a little class, and ‘splains how it feels to go from VH1 B-Boy back to USC fellow

HHB Fridays
Whaat!? Let Lil’ John Brown get your weekend off to a thoroughly perplexing start

Gorgeous George

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George Clooney has revealed that he recently had his "eyes done," whatever that means (fat sucked out of the top? the bottom? the cornea?). Why? Unless he’s been doing this for years, his eyes have barely changed a bit. Check the Clooney eye retrospective and just try to discern a downward trend:

Clooney_eyes

The guy doesn’t age. He probably just got plastic surgery because he was bored. Or maybe because everyone else is doing it. Even superstars aren’t exempt from peer pressure. Hollywood is Mean Girls writ expensive.

[thisislondon.co.uk]

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What’s on the blogs

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Jessicasimp_links- Jessica Simpson bleeds internally after eating pizza. It is, of course, possible that she confused pizza with glass, nails, light bulbs and/or fiberglass. [MollyGood]

- Britney Spears is not on suicide watch. Good thing: what would we talk about without her? [Dlisted]

- Patricia Heaton, please stop making your nipples my business. I’m really not in the mood for pepperoni. [The Superficial]

- Could a Jackson family tour really be on the way? We’ll finally have an answer to that age-old question: whatever happened to Rebbie? [Oh No They Didn't]

- Gwen Stefani is pushing for her child to be a DJ when he grows up. She’s not quite a stage mom, more a mic mom. [Hollywood Rag]

Brangelina’s Clan of Many Colors

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are rumored to be interested in adopting a kid from Vietnam, where they spent their Thanksgiving. Though Brad joked in the past about having enough kids for a soccer team, clearly what they’re going for is a box of crayons. Their family won’t be complete till they hit 64!   [Us/TMZ.com]

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On the Web: Friday’s Headlines

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Rehab May Help Britney Keep Kids
In an attempt to retain custody of her two young children, the one time pop princess checks herself back into rehab. Is the 3rd time a charm? [yahoo]

73373535American Idol Cuts 4 Singers
Four saw the door as American Idol whittled its 24 semifinalists down to 20 Thursday night. [yahoo]

Kardashian Planning to Sue Over Sex Tape
Kim may be BFF’s with Paris, but that doesn’t mean she’ll follow in her exact footsteps. [yahoo]

Busta Busted…Again
The rapper was charged Thursday with driving with a suspended license after police said they stopped him for running a red light. [cbs]

Blues greats Headline 29th Playboy Fest
Etta James and other greats are set to perfrom. The fest takes place June 16-17 at the Hollywood Bowl. [hollywoodreporter]

Catfight: Lily Allen vs. Lady Sov

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Catfight

Surprise! Lily Allen and Lady Sovereign aren’t getting along. The mouthy, much-hyped members of Britpop’s new guard (the former a pint-sized smack-talking ska artist, the latter a pint-sized smack-talking Adidas Muppet) traded words in the press after Lady Sov claimed Allen owed her recent success to her dad, Keith, a famous British comedian. Here’s how it went down:

Lady Sovereign: “I’m not hating on her but someone like Lily Allen, just ’cause her dad’s famous, doesn’t have to work as hard as someone like me."

Lily Allen: "I’ve spoken to my dad and he says he’d be happy to adopt you if you think it will give you a leg up."

More as more develops . . . .

Shocker: Jacko Attracts the Crazies!

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Jackson_paternity

If you thought Michael Jackson fighting with Debbie Rowe over "his" decidedly Caucasian children was crazy, you were underestimating the power of wacko. Though that case settled in September, a British woman repeatedly has attempted to stir things up: Nona Paris Lola Jackson claims to be the real mother of Jacko’s kids and filed a motion in October seeking a role in the settlement. So now Rowe’s maternity is being questioned? Damn ovaries, always getting mixed up and switched around and being "fertilized" by Michael Jackson’s "sperm."

Nona’s motion was denied in November and again on Thursday because she hasn’t proved credible evidence that she’s the children’s birth mother. Also, probably because she’s crazy: via telephone, she asked a court on Thursday, TV-movie style, "Is Mr. Jackson denying I’m the mother of the children? What is he saying about my children?" She also has claimed that, "Michael and I are a sexually active couple and have been this way from the beginning." If that’s false it’s insane, if that’s true, it’s insane and nauseating. Finally, Nona claims to have written 3,000 songs for Michael. These include but are not limited to: "The Doggone Kids Are Mine," "Man in the Mirror, Give Me My Child-Support Check," "Off the Wall (No, Really)," "Dangerous (Mentally)" and "The Chair, Too, Is My Son."

[AP/Yahoo!]

Anna Nicole Smith’s Chances of Resting In Peace Increase!

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Finally, a real live decision for the dead Anna Nicole: her body is set to be buried in the Bahamas. The guardian of Anna Nicole’s daughter Dannielynn Hope, who was awarded the power to decide what would happen with Anna Nicole’s body, announced his decision soon after the court ruling. Upon hearing the news, the tear ducts of the gentle Judge Larry Seidlin went on strike.

Not that the case is near over: a paternity hearing set for Friday, in which Anna Nicole’s ex Larry Birkhead and lawyer/"boyfriend" Howard K. Stern were set to go head-to-head, looks like it will end unresolved. Circuit Judge Lawrence Korda doubted he could even rule on the case: "This child is in the Bahamas. The jurisdiction is in the Bahamas." God, Korda, just take a stance and judge. That’s what everyone else has been doing for the past two weeks. Get with the program.

[AP/Yahoo!]

Update: As expected, the case is moving to the Bahamas.

American Idol To Start Reeducation Camps for America’s Youth

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In a savvier marketing move than the ill-conceived American Idol Moments perfume, the producers of the television show are starting an Idol summer camp, aimed at 12-15 year-old children, and will allegedly impart the secrets of becoming the next American Idol. Former Idols and celebrities are expected to drop into classes. In addition to classes such as "Auditioning Techniques" and "Not Crying When Simon Looks At You," the camp will serve as a hybrid, integrating those activities with typical summer camp experiences such as swimming and playing sports.

The ten-day program will accept 700 applicants, who will be judged on "enthusiasm, dedication, a desire to perform and a passion for the arts," and cost $2,900. But really, you can’t put a price on the ten-day reprieve from wedgies and cat calls of "theater dork."