Christian Bale Arrested For Assaulting Mom

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The Dark Knight just got darker. Batman star Christian Bale was arrested today, after his mother and sister accused him of assaulting them Sunday night. The battle alleged went down in his suite at the Dorchester Hotel, and while cops knew of the charges over the weekend, they chose to arrest him after the London premiere (seen looking like a pissed off family beater at the premiere in the pic above). A source defended that decision, saying, “It was a very difficult situation but it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere over a complaint which we don’t yet know is founded in truth.”

Or it would have made the premiere f*cking awesome, guys. Learn how to ruin celebrities for the greater good! It’s not like the movie is hurting for cash, but any publicity helps, right? [The Sun]

Heidi Wants To ‘Entertain’ Our Troops

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Things are not getting any better for our men and women serving in Iraq – they’re about to be invaded by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. The pair are heading to Iraq to ‘entertain’ the troops, and are arranging the trip through Senator John McCain’s daughter Meghan. “My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq,” Heidi gushed. “It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.”

We respect their desire to help our brave men and women in uniform, we just feel that our American troops deserve someone a little classier? Entertaining? Famous? Human? All of the above, really. [People]

Gossip Break: Halle Hides Her Baby

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OMG! It’s the back of Halle Berry‘s baby! [Bossip]

Speaking of babies, Nicole Kidman is back out in public, and she looks like she never even gave birth. Jerk! [DListed]

18-year old Hayden Panettiere refused to let her much older boyfriend - Milo Ventimiglia – move into her house. Smart move – especially because it’s basically illegal. [I'mNotObsessed]

Katie Holmes‘ transformation into pale alien is almost complete. [ICYDK]

Ice-T and CoCo wear pink. Cute or creepy? [YBF]

Annoying Lauren Conrad masters casual chic, the color purple. [Jezebel]

Jessica Simpson Can’t Fool Country Fans

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We all know Jessica Simpson was thinking:

“Holy sh*t. My career is seriously almost over. No one buys me as a movie star and that stupid assface Mylie Cyrus has stolen my spotlight as the terrible crooner everyone loves. But I need money! I can’t afford my Louis Vuitton dog-carry cases on just Proactiv money alone! Oh – wait – I’ve got it! I’ll turn into a country music star! Those people seem kinda dense, which means we’ll totally click! All I need is a cowboy hat and I’ll be a country gal. What is it those people say? Yee-ho? Yee-ho!”

Reinventing Jessica as a country artist was a GREAT idea, Joe Simpson. But unfortunately for you and your expensive hair-bleaching addiction, country fans have ears. And eyes. And TASTE. The “singer” opened for legit country star Sara Evans this weekend in Wisconsin, and while she begged the audience to love her by saying “I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas. I’m just like you. I’m doing what I love and dating a boy,” they didn’t buy it, and booed the sh*t out of her! When doing what you love equals riding in a $60,000 Bentley and selling hair extensions, and the “boy” is a millionaire quarterback, you ain’t like anyone in Wisconsin, Jess! [Us]

Khloe Kardashian: Jail Was The Bomb

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“Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star Khloe Kardashian served 173 minutes of her 30 day jail sentence, and Kim’s little sis reported that her time in solitary confinement definitely wasn’t boring.

“There was a bomb threat,” Khloe told Ryan Seacrest on Monday. “They put me in solitary confinement and the warden came down to talk to me and said, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here. … There are all these bomb threats, and we think they’re because of you.’”

Khloe checked in Friday to the Century Regional Detention Facility at Los Angeles County’s women’s jail in Lynwood, California, which boasts Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie as former celebrity inmates. She was sentenced to serve time for failing to meet the terms of her probation for her DUI arrest and was releasedearly due to overcrowding and because she posed a threat to other inmates, she said.

Before the youngest of the Kardashian sisters checked into jail, Kim talked to Jimmy Kimmel about how her family was dealing with Khloe’s impending incarceration.

Blake Incarcerated, Like For Real

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Amy Winehouse‘s loveboat of a junkie husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, has officially been sentence to 27 months in jail for hooking Wino on crack and bloody ballet slippers. Er, or beating up a manager of a pub and then trying to bribe the guy for his silence. They’re both like, equally as bad. Blakey’s been in jail for nine months already, and his wife has taken out her sadness on the crack pipe and her weave. Amy looks like crap and acts like a lunatic, which means we’re in for a fun 27 months. Let’s head to the pub to celebrate! See you in 2011, Blake! [Telegraph]

Frances Bean Cobain: Rolling Stone Intern

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Rock progeny Frances Bean Cobain is spending the summer as an intern at Rolling Stone, The New York Post reports. As far as her duties, an insider told the newspaper, “She doesn’t get coffee for anyone…” A rep from the magazine said, “She’s a great girl, and we’re thrilled to have her.” This little rock spawn seems to have turned outOK so far, considering she lost her dad Kurt Cobain when she was just a toddler and has a mother who goes by the alter ego “Cherry Kookoo.” Writing is in her blood though; today mother Courtney Love posted this bizarre ramblingrant on her MySpace blog.

Pete Wentz Vs. Perez Hilton — It’s On!

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In terms of internet spats, this is the battle royale of the questionably talented, eye makeup-loving superstars. A few weeks back, Photoshop-lovin’ gossip maven Perez Hilton posted a shot of Pete Wentz making his way through a sea of paparazzi with his pregnant wife trailing behind him. In the picture, Pete’s shown flashing a smile. Of course, Perez took this as an admission of Wentz loving the attention (a disgusting, gross quality — right, Perez?), saying “Pete is eating up the attention, like Asslee eats out his ass” before pleading for Brangelina to come back. Right.

In his defense, and to illustrate the fact that a picture is worth a thousand words (and some mediocre scribbling), Wentz took to his own blog and posted the following video to illustrate what went down right before and after. Wentz then refers to what Perez Hilton does as Internet reporting, which degrades both the act of “reporting,” and somehow makes us think less of the Internet too.

Score is 0-1, Mr. Wentz.

Britney’s New Songs Bash Her Fam

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Poor BritBrit. Just when she started to mend all her mental issues and split ends, her family has forced her back to work on a new album. Those Spears just gotta to restock their Cheeto supply ya’ll, and they need money to do it! But just because Jamie and Lynne are forcing their cash cow to start pumping out the musical milk again, doesn’t mean she’s happy about it! Britney’s pissed off at her peeps, and she’s expressing her anger in some new songs, in which she sings all about her beef with mom and dad. She’s not being coy about her feelings, either. In one song titled “ATM” she sings, “Hey Mama, I know it’s my cash you seek,” and “You know they treat me like an ATM, but y’all know that I’m too good for ‘em.”

Keep telling yourself that Brit! Just remember who got you out of that stained cheesy dress and into that, uh, clean cheesy dress. [The Sunday Mirror]

Brit showed up at a fundraiser thrown by Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy this weekend, looking better than ever. She’s so clean it’s scary! Check out pics here.