Poor Lauren Conrad can’t win. She finally gets a new, wonderful roommate and already she’s about to lose her to a motorcycle-loving, burping hairdresser/drummer named JustinBobby. Life is sooooo effing unfair. Kinda makes a girl want to pout and stare into space a lot. Like for the entire episode.

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Awww, poor Heidi. After her single “Body Language” accidentally leaked she had a minor freak out, and reached out to every media outlet possible to assure the world that she would NEVER release a single with her manger/boyfriend Spencer Pratt rapping on it. Which is a shame, because he’s got mad skillz. The reaity starlet turned wannabee singer called into Ryan Seacrest today to clear the air - take a listen here to what she had to say. [Image: Getty]

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The Hills villianess passed along the first song off of her album to Ryan Seacrest, who played her new dance jam “Body Language” on his radio show this morning. She certainly succeeds in taking an awesome song from the 80s and ruining it with her weird digitized voice. The best part? Obviously the rap done by her “fiancé” Spencer. I’ve never heard anyone use the term “sassy pearl,” but you know what, it kinda works.

Take a listen HERE! Are you hooked or horrified? [DListed. Image: Getty]

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MTV’s uber-popular show returns for a third season next week, and the trash talking and cat fighting leading up to it is out of control! After Lauren spoke out about her former BFF in Us Weekly, Spencer and Heidi have been throwing it right back wherever and whenever they can. Spencer recently ranted about Lauren on his personal message board, calling her “the famous Boyfriend stealer,” among other way worse - and hilarious - things. Just yesterday the couple continued their verbal beat-down during a radio interview (Listen HERE), in which Heidi nails Lauren as a “lowlife” while Spencer laughs at her fashion line endeavors. Like, meow. Lauren needs to take off her headband, pop her claws out and fight back! Or get on her message board and realllllly let it rip.

Life in Hollywood just seems to be all drama, drama, drama. With a little bit of drama sprinkled on top. And a side of drama. Take the latest feud to come out of La La Land, between Spencer Pratt, the uber-cocky "fiance" of Hills star Heidi Montag and Joel Madden, Good Charlotte rocker, human canvas, and Nicole Richie’s baby daddy. A battle broke out when the two couples ran into each other while lunching at The Beverly Hills Hotel on Saturday. Spencer tells In Touch Weekly: "I was sitting having a quiet lunch with Heidi when Nicole walked in and started pointing at me and then whispering to
Joel. He storms over and starts shouting, ‘You’ve been talking s**t
about my girl’…Then he started screaming and calling
me names."

The mag also reports that Nic and Joel were then escorted out of the joint. Pratt seems to think that Madden freaked because he once called Nicole - who also happens to be his pal Brody Jenner’s ex - a "skinny bitch" in an interview (In case you were keeping track: Brody dated Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari, then Nicole, followed by Cavallari’s rival and Heidi’s co-star, Lauren Conrad. His latest conquest is rumored to be none other than Joel’s ex Hilary Duff. Nauseaus yet?). Here’s a better guess - maybe Joel is a big fan of The Hills and wasn’t to keen on all the flirting Spencer was out doing behind Heidi’s back. Canoodle with Playboy models and Joel Madden’s gonna give you a smackdown!

Every day, some star pops up lugging around a ten carat diamond ring
on their left hand, and then spends the rest of the week having their
people deny that the ring is anything besides "just jewelry." But why
not just take the (pre-nupped) plunge and get engaged, you sweet, screwy
Tinseltown couples? We all know what’s comin’ your way eventually!

Below we break down the latest couples to make a blip on the ring radar this week and rate their chances of real engagement bling action.

Couple: Jay-Z & Beyonce
The rumor’s out the the most powerful
man in hip hop (and possibly the entire music world) popped the
question to his queen B on a "romantic getaway in Cannes." Sources say
that Hova has promised her "the biggest diamond she can fit on her
finger."
Blingability: 2 carats. This rumor’s been going around for
years. And besides, he’s JAY-Z, he would’ve shown up with a rock the
size of Pluto and done it right.

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Spencer Pimps Heidi’s Hills
Nimrod Spencer Pratt brags that Playboy has offered his girlfriend and Hills darling, Heidi Montag, $1 million to show off her recently revamped bod. [RealityTVWorld]

Aniston Nuzzles New Beau
An unknown hunk finally gives the Friends star some much needed love during a romantic beach-side meal. [People]

Maroon 5 Hottie: "I’m a Man Whore"
In a recent interview with Blender, lead singer Adam Levine proudly tags himself a "man whore."  We’re sure many a Hollywood starlet would agree. [JustJared]

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Michael Jackson: $10 Million, No Singing
That’s what a wealthy Prince is paying Jacko for appearing at his birthday party — and he doesn’t even have to sing. Pam Anderson, Naomi Campbell, and Kate Moss will also be in attendance, for free! [MSNBC]

MTV’s Heidi and Spencer Are Engaged
"The World’s Best Boyfriend" popped the question to his 20-year-old honey. Congrats! [TMZ]

Anna Nicole’s Sis Wants a Morph Job
Her half-sister has devised a wild plan to dye her hair, get a boob job, and then approach Hugh Hefner about becoming a Playboy centerfold. No mention of marrying grandpa…

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