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Every week we re-cap Monday night’s Hills episodes with a series of haiku poems about the shows. Short skirts, shorter poems - Audrina approved! Add your own masterpieces in the comments section below, after you glance at the glorious girl party on the cover of the latest issue of Rolling Stone. Think they hated having to be in the same room?
Haiku #1
Oh Stephanie Pratt
We’d be so loyal to you
If not for your bangs.
News alert! Heidi Montag is NOT a robot, even though her looks suggest otherwise. The Hills camera-hog - who spends most of her time posing in front of random monuments while decked out in practically no clothes - let the tears flow in an interview while discussing the death of her brother. Decked out in layers of makeup and fake hair, we actually see a glimpse of the really Heidi, who is mourning not just brother, but the fact that certain friends (yes, Lauren Conrad) never reached out to her following her loss. Did we just learn that LC is that much of a b*tch? Uh oh, we may join Team Heidi after all. [via PerezHilton]
Heidi, Heidi, Heidi. Seriously, you change your boobs and face, but you can’t even change your clothes? After much gossipy fanfare, Heidi - and her boy-troll Spencer - showed up at the White House Correspondents dinner this weekend in Washington DC wearing the same exact outfit she had donned at an appearance earlier in the week. For shame! We’ve got the photographic evidence above as proof: on the left is our plastic heroine this weekend, and on the right she’s hawking her clothes at Kitson in LA, just a week earlier! You’d think she would have learned something while selling out in Hollywood.
We’ve got pics of all the other well-dressed stars who showed up at the White House this weekend below. For some shots of Heidi and Spencer desecrating the American flag at national monuments in our nation’s capital, click here! Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
(Spencer & Heidi, Lauren Conrad, Rosario Dawson, Joel McHale, Jenny McCarthy, Donatella Versace, Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, Ed Westwick, the Jonas Brosthers, Will.i.am, Pamela Anderson and President George W. Bush)
In what was clearly a move made under the influence of some sort of substance, the crazies over at MSNBC invited Heidi Montag - a reality star with fake boobs who hawks zebra print shirts, mind you - to the White House Correspondent’s gala. This is apparently some big ol’ DC bash where the President makes bad jokes and all the random stars and media peeps giggle and get drunk together. Sounds like a perfect place for our Hills starlet! But when her manager/boyfriend demanded two first class tickets for the pair, even though he wasn’t invited to the shindig, the news network freaked and Spencer nixed Heidi’s appearance. Oops! A source close to the always unbearable Pratt said the event wasn’t “A-listy enough” for the Z List pair, but never fear - Ben Affleck, Jen Garner, Pam Anderson, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz found it just fine, thank you, and will be in attendance. [NYP]
Every week we re-cap Monday night’s Hills episodes with a series of haiku poems about the shows. Short skirts, shorter poems - Audrina approved! Add your own masterpieces in the comments section below.
Haiku #1
Heidi’s face melts
more and more each week. And wow -
Those white shorts? Not hot.
Haiku #2
Stephen Coletti
Was way hotter in high school.
But still, they should bone!
Haiku #3
Lauren hates our hero.
Viva la Justin-Bobby!
Go piss that priss off.
Would you watch a show starring just Spencer and Heidi? We’ve been giving this question a lot of thought today, and we’re scared to admit our answer might be “yes.” Awful, we know, we but we’re addicted to watching people pretend to act real! Spencer was spotted pitching the terrible/wonderful idea to an MTV head, saying, “I want the world to see the real Heidi and Spencer.” By real he means fake, right? Allegedly the show Spencer wants to do would follow the couple as they plan their wedding, which is a bit confusing because that’s basically what they covered on the last season of The Hills But really, who cares. We’ll watch anything this couple does, and apparently so will the paparazzi. They’ve been following the happy pair all around NYC this week, tipped of by none other than - you guessed it - Spencer and Heidi themselves. [NYP]
Every week we re-cap Monday night’s Hills episode with a series of haiku poems about the show. Add your own masterpieces in the comments section below. As a bonus this week, we’ve added a video of Heidi Montagfreestyling on TRL yesterday. It’s almost as horrific as her new clothing line, which should tell you a lot.
Haiku #1: Speidi
Heidi is SO mad.
Like really f*cking mad, you guys.
Where’s the camera?
Haiku #2: People’s Revolution
Kelly Cutrone can
take her job offer and shove it-
I mean, I accept!
Haiku #3:Girls Night
Audrina’s deep thoughts:
Yeah, like, me too, I know, yeah,
Me too! Totally.
Sick and tired of sitting at home wishing that you had the style sense to put together outfits like Heidi Montag of The Hills? Well now you can! Yes, YOU! Heidi has singlehandedly saved fashion by launching her own line - appropriately titled Heidiwood, natch - of sexalicious garments at super affordable prices! Craving some booty shorts and a zebra print tank top that shows off everything you don’t want people to see? Well this outfit can now be yours!* So what if Heidi never actually wears this stuff on the show - her name’s on it and she’s making money off of it, so it’s gotta be cool!
*Half curly-half straight weave and douchey boyfriend not included with this offer.
Check out Heidi modeling her new collection. Hot or not?
Every week we re-cap Monday night’s Hills episodes with a series of haiku poems about the shows. Short skirts, shorter poems - Audrina approved! Add your own masterpieces in the comments section below.
Haiku #1
Kelly Cutrone is
the HBIC. She scares
the sh*t out of me.
Haiku #2
Really Heidi? You
curled your hair to get your mirror?
High maintenance! Obvs.
Haiku #3
She-Pratt looks pretty
But way too skinny. She’s right -
Spencer, get a job!
“I’m honored to have Heidi’s support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of The Hills, especially since the new season started.”
- Republican Sentator John McCain speaking to Time.com, after learning that he had Heidi Montag’s endorsement for President. Lord help us. [Us]
Each week we’ll be recapping the most recent episode(s) of The Hills with haiku poems. Peep our work and then drop your own piece in our comments section. Trust us - The Hills is much easier to swallow in small bites!
Haiku #1
She-Pratt has it all -
Bad fashion taste, bad brother.
No wonder she’s mean.
Haiku #2
Why won’t you hug me?
Straight up truth: Brody Jenner smells
like desperation.
Haiku #3
Fake? Real? We can’t tell.
Heidi’s robot eyes can’t cry.
Is Whit’s job a sham?
Haiku #4
Lo. Sweet, skanky Lo.
You deserve your own show, girl.
We love all your ish.