Let’s see…they’re both trashy and they’ve both made a ton of cash off of sex. So why are Ashley Alexandra Dupre and Joe Francis battling each other in court? Ashley, whose best known as former Governor Eliot Spitzer’s preferred call girl, is suing the Girls Gone Wild creator, after his company dug up and used tapes of Dupre that she made for the video porn biz as a high school student while on spring break. Francis, who just got out of jail, issued the following statement: “She’s seeking $10 Million for topless photos taken in front of a room full of people, including two newspapers and multiple crews we had in the room. These images were taken in public places and contain no sexual contact. We expect to triumph in this matter and continue to offer the best and hottest girls.”

$10 million! Not a bad asking price. And hey - she could get it by taking her clothes off, or leaving them on and going to court. We’re kinda proud of Ash for choosing the latter.  [ET]

As you probably remember from every newspaper article written about America’s declining ethical standards since Lewinskygate, Joe Francis is the man behind the hugely successful Girls Gone Wild franchise. He’s a miraculous entrepreneur who discovered that a crappy handicam, a couple of Jello shots and a pair of breasts (preferably aged 18 to 21) could become an incredibly lucrative platform for establishing a business.

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Dear Candy Spelling,

I didn’t want to do this, but now I feel I have no choice. Having endured your open letter to Paris Hilton and then the one to Joe Francis, I have to put my foot down now that you’ve written one to Britney Spears. I’m not so concerned about how condescending and shrewish you come across (at least you help clear up what happens when grandmas attack); I’m more concerned with how the moralizing tone of your letters screw with the continuity of TMZ.com, the deliciously amoral paparazzi blog you’ve chosen as your platform. Listen, lady: when I check TMZ, the only finger I want wagging at me is Britney’s bird.

And speaking of Britney, I do want to hit on a point you made in your letter to her: attacking Britney Spears for grabbing for attention is like attacking oxygen for filling our lungs. Camera-hogging is Britney’s very purpose. If she didn’t dress like a blind drag queen, the universe might collapse. At the very least, we (and I include you, Candy, in that "we") would have less to laugh at. Who wants that?

Without the bad behavior of Britney, Joe and Paris, you’d also have less to talk about. Whether you want to admit it or not, your school-marm missives are calls for attention, too. What did we know about you before this? That you were married to a rich TV producer? That you raised Tori, a daughter so privileged that "Nepotism" might as well have been her middle name? That you denied that same daughter millions of dollars in inheritance money? If your newfound role as Dear Candy (sans the "Dear," since who asked you, anyway?) doesn’t net you a talk show or reality show, it should at least beef up your cred enough to get you a Wikipedia page. At the very least, this has earned you your very own tag on the VH1 Blog — you’re moving up in the world, Candy!

Obviously, by commenting on your comments, I am no better than you. I might not necessarily agree with your views or syntax, but I fully support your right to them. Just stop clogging up TMZ already. Your posts are eyesores way beyond anything that Britney’s crotch has to offer.

In short: get your own blog already.

Best,
Rich

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