Kim Kardashian Lies Her Way to the Top
No, we’re not talking about lying on her back, though she does that too. The matter at hand is Kim Kardashian, her sister Kourtney, and the $50,000 worth of jewels and computer goods they said was stolen from them at JFK airport earlier this month. Turns out the cops don’t think anything actually went down! They have yet to receive an actual police report of a theft, which means that if Kim did get all that crap taken, she doesn’t care too much about it - something we find hard to believe. Afterall, what girl doesn’t desperately need her Cartier watch? The feds think the whole thing is a publicity stunt, to which we say, “Obviously, friends!” I mean, this whole thing has “I want to be Paris Hilton, or at least Nicole Richie” written all over it. I bet it took Kimmy and Kourt the whole six hour flight to figure it out.
KK: Um like, should we fake our own deaths to get more famous?
KK: No you ass, then we’d have to like, disappear for good. Can I use your lip gloss?
KK: Oh! I’m so dumb. I should eat something, that might help my brain work.
KK: Let’s pretend to go missing!
KK: That’s like, the same thing.
KK: Oh.
KK: (fart)
