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It’s a simple fact: some people hear a few strains of rock ‘n’ roll and suddenly start freaking. Destiney’s one of these hedonistic wonders, and as the clip above demonstrates, she doesn’t mind getting her ya-ya’s out in front of anyone - what generation gap? Bret’s no fool, of course. He’s candid about loving it when a fine lady writhes on the floor and exposes her inner beast while listening to his stuff. How do you think groupies became so important?
In this week’s installment of Rock Star Moments, our fair-haired host implores young Daisy to spill her guts. You see, Bret Michaels suspects his winsome paramour with the throat tats is withholding information. Turns out she is. Specifically that she was such a big fan of Poison that she “befriended” Bret’s bandmate, guitarist and Celebreality star C.C. DeVille. Uh oh? We guess so. But how rock star-ish is this? On a scale of Tiny Tim to Alice Cooper, we’d give Daisy . . . oh, at least a Billy Squier.
Heather’s back! Today’s Rock of Love moment doesn’t even involve our titular rock star. Bret Michaels is nowhere to be seen. Instead, it’s his familiar, Heather, who provides the motive for craziness. In this installment, we learn that rocker-ish behavior involves shots, toplessness, and plenty of tanned bellybuttons on display. (Sidebar: While we’ve noticed plenty of belly jewelry on the Rock of Love girls, we haven’t seen any bellybutton starburst tattoos. What happened to those?) Is this behavior befitting a rock star? Or is it more befitting an after-hours seafood buffet at the Times Square Hooters in the middle of a heatwave? We’re at a loss.
In the past, we’ve seen our Rock of Love hero Bret Michaels in all sorts of sticky situations. Primarily, these involve nudity. For instance, there was the time he almost shut down the Forty Deuce. Then there was the time he was given a pole-dance by his potential paramours. This time, Bret’s the recipient of some witty dialogue, which has something to do with keeping his pipes clean. There’s some double entendre going on there. Is it rock star-worthy? We don’t know. But it’s definitely Bret.
What makes you a rock star? Is it your hair? Is it your penchant for long, self-indulgent guitar wankery? Or is it your insouciant taste in album titles? (We’re thinking, of course, of Open Up and Say . . . Ahh! here, but you pick your own.) We’re willing to go out on a limb here and say that while yes, being a rock star entails all of those things, you really know you’ve achieved immortal status when the girl you’re hanging around with decides her panties are unnecessary and gives you — and everyone else at the strip club you’re sitting in — an unimpeded view of her babymaker. Especially when that strip club is the Forty Deuce, and doesn’t allow full nudity. And super especially when the girl in question is Angelique, Rock of Love 2’s now sadly departed stripper . . . er, contestant. Bret Michaels, you are a rock star. Watch and weep, friends. Watch and weep.
Let’s play Remember When. As in, remember when Rock of Love debuted last fall, shocking television with the easy wits of its contestants and the impressive leonine hair of its host, Bret Michaels? Good times, people. Now that Rock of Love is back for a second season, we’d like to take the opportunity to remind you of the halcyon moments in the first. See the clip above, for example. In it, Tiffany (whose phrase, “Don’t threaten me with a good time” should have already been inducted into the Crazy Statements Hall of Fame) offers Bret a lapdance. In response, Bret claims that she “beat my penis to a pulp.” Once a rock star, always a rock star.
