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Looks like Scientology is looking to recruit some fresh blood, and being that they’re an equal opportunity establishment, they’d like some African-American representatives to preach their gospel. According to Radar, Kimora Lee Simmons and Will Smith and his wife Jada are the latest couch-jumpers to join the ranks. Smith and his wife — longtime friends and photo opps of Tom Cruise — make sense, but Kimora? Apparently the recently sperminated Baby Phat founder distributed copies of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s The Way To Happiness at her kids’ school. Umm…inappropriate?
And speaking of inappropriate, or maybe just awkward, more evidence of Tom Cruise’s completely bizarro ways has surfaced in the form of his birthday video from a few years back. After a video montage with accompanying music to Tommy’s greatest scenes, Tom hops on stage for a
rousing rendition of “Old Time Rock And Roll.” Just goes to show kids: Scientology might make you famous, but it won’t make you any less tone deaf.
Well, not Bart Simpson exactly (though wouldn’t that just be precious?!), but the woman behind the voice of America’s adorable cartoon troublemaker, Nancy Cartwright. The vocal talent, who apparently makes $250,000 per Simpsons episode, donated $10 million dollars to the Church of Scientology, of which she is a longtime member. Her contribution was put toward their creepy “Global Salvage” movement, the goal of which is “to rid mankind of psychology ills and other “aberrant behavior.”
Way to go, Nancy! She also beat out other uber-famous Scientologists with her donation. Tom “Demon Eyes” Cruise and Jenny Craig hawker Kirstie Alley gave a measly $5 million each, while John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston plopped down $1 million a piece. We can only imagine what kid of good deeds that cash is being used for, but we welcome a couple Gs thrown our way to rid us of our taco-addicted ills and aberrant habit of not wearing designer jeans. [Page Six]
First, we’d like to thank whichever Scientology traitor is releasing all the wonderful Tom Cruise videos, as well as this email, allegedly from King of Queens actress Leah Remini. Yes, the rambling, confusing email could simply be a hoax. But what’s fun about approaching this crap with reason?
Below are a couple of excerpts from the supposed email, in which Remini (allegedly) guilt-trips lazy Scientologists into getting back involved with the church, beginning with some brunch she’s holding. The rest is the usual Scientology lingo you’ve come to know and love: SPs, OTs, ORGs, CS, LRH, FARTS, etc etc. It should only take you a few days to figure out what it all means!
Leah starts:
Hi! This is Leah Remini Writing you again. Some of you may know me from
the TV show “King of Queens”, but what is more important is that I am now OT V and at one point I was a very stalled Clear. A lot of people helped me to get OT, and I decided I was going to turn around and help every Clear make it to OT.
Just when we were getting sick of Tom Cruise’s intense gaze and sci-fi slang, comes a new video of the actor winning the IAS Freedom Medal of Valor in some Scientology auditorium or temple surrounded by fellow worshippers worshipping him. What an honor! If you enjoy strange salutes, inside jokes, and eerie calls to arms made by movie stars with massive egos, then this is totally your thing. So my fellow SPs, enjoy this clip quickly before it’s snatched off the web by Xenu. LRH would want you to!
Updated: All six of the juicy Tom Cruise Scientology Videos can be found here in order. Did you know Tom Cruise is singlehandedly responsibly for saving and curing the firemen who fell ill after rescuing people at the World Trade Center on 9-11? Watch and learn!
Looks like Scientology is looking to recruit some fresh blood, and being that they’re an equal opportunity establishment, they’d like some African-American representatives to preach their gospel. According to Radar, Kimora Lee Simmons and Will Smith and his wife Jada are the latest couch-jumpers to join the ranks. Smith and his wife — longtime friends and photo opps of Tom Cruise — make sense, but Kimora? Apparently the recently sperminated Baby Phat founder distributed copies of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s The Way To Happiness at her kids’ school. Umm…inappropriate?
