Speaking with the New York Post’s PopWrap Blog this week, Lauren Conrad may have endeared herself to a whole new fan base — nerds. When asked what she watches on TV, she admits that she barely watched MTV before becoming one of its biggest stars, opting instead for watching the Discovery Channel.

To find out what she said about her TV choices, head to Scandalist.

If your delicate ears can take it, Heidi Montag has leaked yet another one of her singles, and she wants you to listen. Is your stomach strong enough to handle this crap? Her latest “song” is titled “One More Drink,” and you can probably guess what it’s about - getting hammered! Wow, Heidi is really creating songs about those oh-so important, pivotal moments in life, huh? Nothing says world-changing lyrics like “sipping on that happy juice.” Seriously.

Enjoy it here.

A writer from Glamour got to hang with The Hills queen bee Lauren Conrad at the launch of her new collection for Mark, and she was surprisingly articulate and kind. Say what? That doesn’t sound like the robot we’ve come to know and loathe on MTV! According to the blogger, LC was:

• Skinnier and shorter than you’d think.
• Impeccably dressed (in her own design).
• Super sweet, even going so far as to walk the reporter to the bathroom.
• Well-spoken and full of facts about the Mark products she hawks.

Shocking! It’s too bad none of these wonderful things - besides the perfect outfits, obviously - come across on The Hills. Maybe Audrina would like her again if they did!

There.are.no.words.

Well that’s not entirely true - we can think of a couple words to describe Heidi Montag’s new single “Fashion”. “Total crap” comes to mind, for example. Watching Heidi pursue a music career is liking watching a cat try to swim. It just ain’t gonna happen! The plastic princess has released her latest “song,” which totally reps her token sound: voice-morphing electronics, terrible lyrics, and an uncomfortably weird, unidentifiable French accent used to describe the clothes that make Heidi go crazy . In other words, it’s awesome!

Click here to enjoy such mind-blowing lyrics like “Oh oh la la la, we love designers,” and “I’m so fierce that it’s so nuts.” But the best line of all? “I live to be model thin.” Inspiring young women to destroy their bodies one beat at a time. Nice work Heidi!

After attending the same charity bowling event and not speaking or interacting during the entire night, The Hills are shaking with the news that Lauren “Blank Stare” Conrad and her sidekick Lo “I’m not a bitch, just mean” Bosworth have told Audrina Patridge to move the hell out of the home they share together. The girls allegedly decided against phone, IM, text and Facebook wall posting, and instead delivered the message with a note posted on the door of Audrina’s guest house! Ouch. Wouldn’t you love to get a copy?

Dear Audrina,

Ummmmmmm. Hi. Like. Hm. It’s cold out here. Anyway. Um. Okay. This braid in my hair looks good. F*ck, did I eat carbs today? Damn it! Oh, I’m writing! Okay. So, look. You haven’t been very nice to me lately, and you’re still dating Justin Bobby. So, you know what that means. OMG I think a bird just farted out here. Um. That means we can’t be friends. Get your crappy French Connection dresses the fudge out of my guest house. KTHXBY. I mean BAI.

Whatever.

Working two jobs just to make ends meet, and yet you can barely pay your bills? Well then the news that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt raked in over $3 million in just two years solely from their work as douchebags might make you cringe a bit. How do they do it? Selling out, natch! The pair make a crapload not just off of their actual work on The Hills, but through club appearances, pictures, and horribly tacky clothing lines as well. Heidi herself has said that, “We are trying to entertain in every aspect of our lives,” and reiterated her aspirations to be Meryl Streep with better boobs: “I plan to win an Oscar. I’m very ambitious.”

But they aren’t the only Hillsies to make a pretty penny these days. Whitney Port, whose lisp is almost as adorable as her outfits, is reportedly going to star in a Hills spin-off, which will document her bi-coastal work for People’s Revolution. Will you watch?

Look look! Audrina is still toting Justin Bobby around town, which means somewhere in The Hills, Lauren Conrad is crying. Excellent! He may be a dud, but Justin Bobby’s a stud (an unfortunate rhyme) and this time around we’re smitten. Let’s hope he’s got some staying power - someone needs to put Lo in her place next season!

Waiters, waitresses, servers, bus boys, and bartenders BEWARE! Heidi and Spencer may wear fancy clothes, drive Beamers, and drop cash, but when no one’s looking they are cheap cheap cheap! The putrid pair and two friends ran up a $783 bill at an LA restaurant Saturday night, and then only tipped $16 on the check!

Just in case they were too busy being catty to pay attention in high school math, here’s how it works:To get 20% of $783.00: Move the decimal place one spot to the left ($78.30) and double it. The magic number: $156.60! Looks like Spencer was a little off, not that we expect him to be good at math - or anything, for that matter. The poor server had to then bug a Hills producer for some dough, who handed over an additional $60. Would you expect anything classier from these two? [TMZ]

If you watch The Hills for just a few minutes, it becomes very clear that Audrina Patridge is a naturally gifted thespian. Her approach to her relationship with Justin Bobby reeks of vintage Meryl Streep, and her handling of the Lauren-Lo housing drama is Oscar-worthy for sure. Everything about her says “actress:” the blank stares, the constant mumbling, the whiny voice. She is the next big deal, and she’s now got the legitimate acting cred to prove it. Audrina has been cast in Into the Blue 2. OMFG! Don’t remember the masterpiece that was the original Into the Blue? Why, it starred Jessica Alba and some other hot people as a group of divers in trouble with a drug lord! Such a fine piece of film is surely going to make Audrina an A List star, and it’s about damn time - she’s been acting on the Hills for so long, she’s truly a natural. [Us]

Every week we re-cap Monday night’s Hills episodes with a series of haiku poems about the shows. Short skirts, shorter poems - Audrina approved! Add your own masterpieces in the comments section below, after you glance at the glorious girl party on the cover of the latest issue of Rolling Stone. Think they hated having to be in the same room?

Haiku #1

Oh Stephanie Pratt
We’d be so loyal to you
If not for your bangs.

Read the rest of this entry »

News alert! Heidi Montag is NOT a robot, even though her looks suggest otherwise. The Hills camera-hog - who spends most of her time posing in front of random monuments while decked out in practically no clothes - let the tears flow in an interview while discussing the death of her brother. Decked out in layers of makeup and fake hair, we actually see a glimpse of the really Heidi, who is mourning not just brother, but the fact that certain friends (yes, Lauren Conrad) never reached out to her following her loss. Did we just learn that LC is that much of a b*tch? Uh oh, we may join Team Heidi after all. [via PerezHilton]