Tila Tequila felt confident going into the finale that she had found someone that she “wanted to spend the rest of her life with.” That “someone” was Kristy. After Tila eliminated Bo, she offered Kristy the key to her heart. But Kristy wasn’t interested in unlocking it. “I’m not ready for this,” said Kristy, who had been privately questioning whether she wanted to be with a man or a woman after a whole season of practically begging to get inside Tila’s pants.

Should Tila get ready for A Shot At Love 3? Or just try a bar?

[Photos: MTV]

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Here are some of the highlights of Episode 9 of A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila.

1. TILA’S FINAL THREE BLOW UP CONDOMS WITH THEIR BUTTS

Tila Tequila flew her remaining suitors to Cancun and invited them to compete in a Condom Blowup Challenge. Most people would have caught the next plane back to the U.S., but Tila’s flackies obliged by hooking up a condom to a pump and blowing it up with their asses. Tila didn’t judge on speed, but on who could “blow” the sexiest. kristy (pictured above) looked the most, um, professional. She straddled that pump as if it were a penis dildo and she were the star of a porn flick. Bo was all about “blowing” first, which does not bode well for his potential in the bedroom. And Brittany won by simulating an orgasm and perfectly timing her exclamation: “I’m about to blow!”

Bo pouts like a baby when Tila tells him he can't go waterskiing because of his broken jaw.

Tila and Brittany take a bubble bath together in A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila..

Horseback riding freaks Kristy out in A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila.

Kristy is good at pumping up condoms, but loses to Brittany in the Condom Blowup Challenge.

Kristy and Brittany go skinny dipping together in A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila.

Bo is pictured here getting to first base in Episode 9 of A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila. Did he score a home run?

Brittany is eliminated in Episode 9 of A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila.

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Here’s a list of the five most absurd moments of episode 7 of A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila.

1. TILA INFLICTS PAIN ON HER LOVERS
Tila Tequila took a page out of the Rock of Love handbook, herding her suitors to a tattoo parlor. But unlike some of the women vying for Brett Michaels‘ heart, none of Tila’s potential love mates had the guts to get a tattoo of her name, opting instead for shot glasses (Bo and Jay) and a replication of the star that Tila sports on her wrist (Kristy). Tila offered Fear Factor-like alternatives for those who didn’t want to get inked, including getting a piercing (Brittany), walking on broken glass (George) or sitting in an electric chair (Lisa). It’s odd how turned on Tila gets by watching others suffer in her name. She doted on Bo, for example, because: “He shaved his soul patch, he got his jaw broken and now he’s getting a tattoo for me!” What else would turn her on? Getting dragged behind a car? Gouging out an eye?

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It’s time for Lindsay Lohan to go public with her relationship with to Samantha Ronson - or so says know-it-all Tila Tequila. “I think that the fact that everyone knows about it makes it fine,” she said at the MTV Movie Awards this weekend. Tila continued her rant of sage wisdom, adding, “Just go all out with it! If you’re going to do something, do it all out.”

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There wasn’t too much controversy surrounding this year’s Maxim Hot 100 list. Sure, news broke that Derek Jeter and John Mayer have banged, like, half of the girls. And of course there are gripes with the list itself: Gisele isn’t on it; Halle Berry’s not in the top 20; and Mary Kate’s on it without Ashley. But did you catch Tila Tequila and some of the other hotties talking about which celebs they’d like to get in the sack?

After the jump, Tila also informs us what she’d do if she were a guy for a day. Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a list of the most absurd moments of episode 6 of A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila.

1. KRISTY’S GAY TEST

“I think that me and Tila standing next to each other is every man’s fantasy,” said Kristy on last night’s A Shot At Love. “If it doesn’t, you’re gay.” Could Kristy (pictured above) be right? If so, the unofficial poll that I conducted among friends suggests that approximately 75% of all men in the U.S. are gay. Read the rest of this entry »

According to Tila’s Hot Spot Journal, the reality TV star informed Entertainment Weekly that she’ll shy away from fame at the conclusion of this season’s A Shot at love With Tila Tequila.

“I wanna do meaningful stuff. After a while you reach your goals and then what? You just prance around like Paris Hilton all day long and feel like you have to find the next scandal to stay big. This lifestyle is fun and I worked hard for it, but I think in the long run, it’s a lot. I just wanna be in love for the rest of my life and move to an island and have kids.”

Living on an island may fit her penchant for wearing bikinis, but will she be happy if no one’s around to see her smoking body? Plus, does the person in the following photos look like they’re concerned with doing meaningful stuff?

Tila, you know you need the limelight. It’s time to join us.

Here are the most ridiculous moments of Episode 5.

CHAD’S VIOLENT OUTBURST, ROUND II

After Chad attacked Bo’s face, splitting his gum (and teeth) in half, he bumped chests and high-fived his “brodog” Jay, who instigated the fight in the first place. “That’s how we rep in Detroit, baby!” Chad shouted. Did he mean that people in the Motor City will sucker headbutt and punch you when you don’t expect it? The way Chad was celebrating his manhood, you would think that he had just knocked Bo out. But Bo was still standing and lucid after the cheap shots. Hopefully, the security that escorted Chad out of the house delivered him straight to a state mental hospital, because he clearly needs pills and electric shock therapy.

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Here are the top five most ridiculous moments of Episode 4, listed in chronological order from first to last.

1. Bull-Riding Contest Prize? Tila’s Ass!

Tila Tequila has dressed up as a naughty school teacher, a stripper and an angel. In episode 4, she morphed into a cowgirl by wearing a cowboy hat, a bra and assless leather chaps. The occasion (or excuse for the getup) was the first of what will surely become an annual mechanical bull-riding contest for pumped-up frat boys and stripper-esque lesbians on seasons of Tila Tequila to come. But if Tila didn’t look so hot, and if the prize weren’t spending an evening with her exposed ass, then this challenge would have been boring beyond belief.

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Here’s a list of the top five most awesomely bad moments of episode 3 of A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila 2.

1. CHAD CAN’T FETCH A BALL

For the second year in a row, Tila Tequila split her wooers by sex and made the two groups face off in a “bi-athalon.” Among the athletic challenges, contestants were forced to dip their heads into an inflatable pool and use their mouths to pick up balls with symbols corresponding to their sex. Chad should have had an advantage in this exercise of fetching, considering that he has the brain power and disposition of a dog. But he couldn’t find the correct ball and began to bite the side of the pool out of frustration. In the meantime, the girls ate away at the boys’ lead and then won the challenge. Chad claimed later that the “snot rockets” floating in the pool prevented him from completing the task. But we’re talking about a guy whose idea of fun is to raise his legs over his head in bed and pass gas. Chad could probably bath in snot without being phased. Could it be that he doesn’t know the difference between a male and female symbol?

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Tila, we had hoped that the producers of A Shot at Love would have improved their casting process for season 2. It is clear that they have not. With this new batch of contestants, A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila 2 will be nearly indistinguishable from a Cops episode filmed during spring break in Florida — except it might be more dangerous. Frankly, we’re worried for your safety. Please reconsider moving your show from MTV to VH1. We can do better.

You started the premiere by asking the supposedly straight men and supposedly gay women vying for your heart to step into cages. This was a wise decision. But you should have kept them there. Allow us to remind you how your suitors behaved while caged (one exposed her breasts and another let his penis swing freely through the air as he danced):

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