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“I told them to go home and make babies.”
Yep, that’s the always wise Snoop Dogg, on his instructions for Beyonce and Jay-Z’s post-wedding life. The guy’s been married for-like-EVER (ten years, three kids!), so he should know. He also offered this tidbit of advice on how to make your nuptials last: “Communication, and being able to fight and get back up. To have misunderstanding and [then] get some understanding.”
For shizzle, dawg. [People]
There, there, Jeff Archuleta. Feeling upset about your son David coming in second on American Idol? You’re not alone. Tons of celebrity stage parents feel shame when their child fails to live up to the exceedingly high expectations they’ve set for them! You’re in good company. The VH1 Blog has rounded up six of our favorite celebrity stage parents, who prove time and time again that even if you can’t make it in showbiz, you sure as hell can force your kids to live your childhood dreams! Success never tasted so sweet.
1. Dina Lohan - Why not ruin one daughter when you can ruin two?! This week Lindsay’s running around France forgetting what she learned in rehab, while Dina focuses on destroying Ali’s youth with her new reality TV show. Both are clearly idiotic career movies for the girls. But you know what they say, mother knows best!
Read the rest of this entry »
Gasp! Beyonce “only drank water” at Kanye West’s concert after-party here in NYC last week. B normally likes to nurse a glass or two of champagne while out on the town, but this time she swore off the booze. Well obviously, this is a sure sign that she MUST be knocked up. Other things that Beyonce did that night that surely prove she’s preggers?
OMG. It’s true. She MUST be pregnant - all signs point to yes! [NY Post]
Can’t Beyonce and Jay-Z just enjoy being married for a while? Not everyone has to go and pull an Ashlee Simpson and get preggers and married all at once. B’s belly is the topic of much speculation (even though as you can see in the pic above from last week, there’s nothing there), as some pals are secretly coming forward to reveal that she’s currently knocked up. One loose-lipped friend says, “She has gained a lot of pregnancy weight. When she gains weight, she normally does the Def Jam detox, but not now.”
Wait a second. Forget the pregnancy - what the f*ck is the “Def Jam detox?!” Google is revealing nothing - does it involve listening to old Beastie Boys and LL Cool J tracks while eating salad? Rick Rubin, fill us in! Beyonce’s rep was having none of the baby buzz, and said, “I don’t know if she’s pregnant. Let me perform an ultrasound and get back to you.”
We’re waiting!
Here’s the latest in clothes for girls from Beyonce and her mother’s fashion line, House of Dereon. These threads are definitely going to be a hit, as there’s certainly not a lot of heels or boas out there on the market for four year olds. Aren’t all moms out there desperate for a way to skank up their tots, Pussycat Dolls style? I think so!
So go ahead youngin’s - grab that leopard print had, slip into your heels and that sexy denim outfit, and jam it out that piano you don’t yet know how to play. You look so damn hot, no one will even notice. [DListed]
Holy crap everyone! A blog, Hollyscoop, has “learned exclusively through multiple sources that Beyonce is expecting.” OMG!!! This completely anonymous source assures the world that B is in her early stages and that everyone at their wedding knew the good news, however she won’t reveal it for a while because ya know, they’re super private. Except, of course, when it comes to talking to this anonymous source, natch, who also alleged that they had a shotgun wedding due to the pregnancy.
Wow! Guess what? I have an exclusive anonymous source (my cat) who can reveal that Britney Spears is going to be the democratic nominee for President and that Paris Hilton has gotten rid of her Bentleys and plans to ride horses around Beverly Hills in order to stop pollution! Oh, they’ve also give me an exclusive pic of Beyonce and Jay-Z’s yet to be born baby decked out in Dereon (see above)! Anonymous sources are like super heroes, ya’ll. Totally amazing and 100% fake!
Just days after Beyonce and Jay-Z allegedly capped off their six-year romance with a wedding, people are already whispering that the couple wed so quickly because Beyonce is knocked up. The alleged proof: their whirlwind nuptials, and that her sis Solange had a shotgun wedding a while back. Wow, so it must be true! Let me shatter the dreams of gossipy people around the world - she’s probably not pregnant. Aside from the fact that sisters love to do the exact opposite of each other (er, aside from Jamie-Lynn Spears and BritBrit), Beyonce and Jay-Z likely got married quickly so that we, the media, wouldn’t ruin it. And even though we kinda did by gawking at the whole thing, neither Beyonce or Jay have actually confirmed that they wed, which means THEY WIN. So don’t go around spreading pregnancy rumors just because you’re pissed that we still don’t know what kind of dress B wore. Besides, no one will believe it until we can spot a vague, hardly there, probably imaginary mini-bump. When that happens, I’ll be the first one to whisper the P word.
They did it! They REALLY did it! Though neither star has confirmed their nuptials, every major press outlet is reporting that Beyonce and Jay-Z have officially become husband and wife. Even Mary J. Blige announced it at her concert on Saturday, so it’s gotta be true! The long-time couple tied the knot at Jay’s Tribeca penthouse after snagging a marriage license earlier in the week. The crowd was small, and guests - including Gwyneth Paltrow and B’s sister Solange - were asked to wear ivory. Thousands of Thai orchids were brought in for the event, and DJ Cassidy kept the attendees on the dance floor late into the night. Jay-Z had to perform over the weekend, and there’s no word of a honeymoon at this time. They’ll probably just end up on a yacht somewhere for a few weeks. You know how they do! Congrats to the happy couple - we hope they make it last. [People]
Are you super famous and just happen to be wearing all ivory on this fine morning? If so, you might be attending the Knowles-Carter nuptials, allegedly being held today somewhere in NYC! The invite list is supposedly super small, and guests were not informed of a location. The lucky few - including Serena and Venus Williams - were instructed to wear all ivory. Uh, isn’t that the bride’s job? The rumors have only been fueled by this video posted to Kelly Rowland’s site, of the singer and her Destiny’s Child sister Michelle Williams. The pair revealed that they were in an undisclosed location. OMG, they’re like, at the church! Video is above - please post your speculation below. We’ll gossip about this wedding until we see the pics in the tabloids and know it’s real! [DListed]
After obtaining a marriage license earlier this week, Beyonce and Jay-Z are allegedly making it official in less than 24 hours! We’ve decided to celebrate BeyoncJay’s wedding eve with a list of predictions about their nuptials. Think we’re way off? Let us know in the comments section of this post. Though her dress is TOTES going to be House of Dereon. Trust.
Maid of Honor: Solange, obvs! Though Kelly and Michelle will be jealous, they know their place: bridesmaid city, baby!
Best Man: Kanye West, if he can handle not being the center of attention.
Location: We suspect the ceremony will be low-key and at City Hall, with a big bash at the 40/40 club.
Wedding Crashers: Damon Dash, Nas, LeToya Luckett, LaTavia Roberson, Farrah Franklin. Nothing like a few former friends to spice up the celebration. Maybe Destiny’s Child will reunite as six right on the dance floor!
Uninvited and pissed: Rihanna - there’s no way Jay’s prodigy is gonna be allowed anywhere near Beyonce’s special day. Go see a movie with “BFF” Chris Brown instead, Ri!
