I was just sitting here minding my business, when I noticed this little tidbit coming across the web about Paris Hilton and her twin boy toy Benji Madden. The Good Charlotte guitarist has written his lover of two months her own song, titled, “Shine Your Light.” Paris says, “It’s this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me….He’s my best friend.”

BEST FRIEND? I thought that was the position I’d be competing for on her reality show! W.T.F. Just to show my devotion to the heiress, I’ve written her an even better song. It’s called “Dump Your Boyfriend and Let’s Hang and Do Shots.” Here’s a sample lyric:

Seriously Paris, forget that dude
He’ll never appreciate your attitude
Let’s share clothes, here’s my dress from 1993
aren’t you glad you’re BFF with me!

Check out my blog and vote for me to be Paris Hilton’s best friend!

Paris, Paris, Paris. We ALL know you’re dating Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden. We’re well aware that he is the identical twin brother of Nicole Richie’s BF and baby-daddy, Joel Madden. And yes, the whole world knows that this is quite possibly the creepiest love-quad ever, and that if you all marry each other the earth will likely implode. So do you really need to rock a massive ring decorated with your man’s initials spelled out in hundreds of tiny diamonds? I mean, really. Subtlety is a nice touch. You should try it some time.

[All images: Getty]

Big surprise! Nicole has made it official, telling ABC’s Diane Sawyer in an interview that she is four months pregnant with boyfriend Joel Madden’s baby. Add that to the list of “Very Obvious Things The World Already Knew.” You know, like:

• Today is August 1st.
• It is Summer.
• Lindsay Lohan’s new movie is bad.
• No one listens to Good Charlotte anymore.

Nicole also pledged remorse for her recent DUI that has landed her with three days of jail time to serve. She told Sawyer, “I have a responsibility and it’s something that I did wrong, and if I could personally apologize to every single person that has lost a loved one from drunk driving I would. And unfortunately I can’t, but this is my way of paying my dues and taking responsibility and being an adult.”

Guess there’s no better time than the present to learn about responsibility and being an adult. Er, especially when you’ll be a mom in five months. But seriously, CONGRATULATIONS! [Image: Getty]

Good Charlotte rocker (and alleged Nicole Richie babydaddy) Joel Madden has finally put everyone’s mind at ease and addressed the biggest rumor that’s circulating these days: he’s never even heard of the baby boutique Petit Tresor. The boutique was early on cited as the source point for the the near-hysterical speculation as to whether Madden’s waifish girlfriend Nicole Richie is pregant or not. Madden goes on to mention he hasn’t smoked in a week. Thanks for nothing, Joel.

In actual baby news, Killers frontman Brandon Flowers became a dad on Saturday when his wife Tana gave birth to a boy, whose name has not been released. Both mother and baby are reportedly doing well, and Flowers is said to be "thrilled."