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Paris Hilton Banned From Oscars

paris_oscar_150×225.jpg That’s right: According to DListed, America’s poor little rich girl isn’t going to the Academy Awards on Sunday because she’s not allowed. Sources report: “She cried hot, salty tears when she was banned from the Oscars. She’s desperate to be taken seriously as an actress and hoped she would be able to network with film executives.” Given Hilton’s track record at the box office, we’re amazed at her chutzpah.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we? Let’s start with 2002′s Nine Lives, a thriller about a group of friends stranded in a Scottish mansion who awaken an ancient spirit . . . and wind up dying one by one. In that straight-to-DVD number, Paris played Paris. She was killed first, if memory serves, which was a blessing — her non-acting was too much to take. Then there was 2005′s House of Wax, another slasher, in which Paris also died, this time impaled through the forehead by a steel pole. While almost certainly a better film than Nine Lives, House of Wax was still so terrible that it earned a rating of 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. Impressive. And, most recently, there was The Hottie and the Nottie, a film that was so excruciatingly bad it only made $28,000 on its opening weekend. (Besides the Hilton family and the fanatics at Best Week Ever, who else went? ‘Fess up!)

When will Paris figure out that a career in film isn’t meant for her? To be fair, there are others in the same boat: Madonna, for instance, someone who actually is an entertainer, still thinks she can be an actress. Those of us who suffered through Swept Away would like to inform her otherwise. Perhaps Paris is bristling at her hostile reception by Hollywood’s power players? We can’t possibly imagine what she’s done that would make anyone think ill of her. Oh, wait. We forgot about the DUI, the jail drama, the sex tape, the shameless apology, the crocodile tears, the fragrance, The Simple Life and Nicole Richie. Maybe that’s what the Oscars are balking at — for some reason the Academy Awards still want to be taken seriously. Imagine that.

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The Hills is Back to Bore You With Drama

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Haven’t you missed watching Lauren and Audrina stare at each other while they down cocktails/avoid carbs/workout? We sure have! The Hills is our greatest guilty pleasure that we still don’t quite get, and we’re anxiously awaiting it’s return to the small screen on March 24th. Luckily we’ve got this brand-new teaser to tie us over for the next month, and it’s gotten us all excited for what’s to come. Lauren is in Paris! Whitney is ready to quit her job at Teen Vogue! Brody has moved on with a new girlfriend! Ouch. As for Audrina, we can only assume she’s sitting on the couch in her apartment waiting for Lauren with a blank stare and a smile.

Noticeably absent from the video clip are bad seeds Spencer and Heidi, but never fear, they’ve been keeping very busy. On Valentine’s Day last week the pair hopped on a yacht, sipped champagne, chowed on chocolate-covered strawberries and recreated that “king of the world!” scene from Titanic, for all the world to see. Just your average couple gettin’ romantic, ya’ll! Heidi’s also hard at work at that album she’s been pimping for a while, and her BF claims it’s gonna be all sorts of awesome. “When people hear what we have in the bank, it’s gonna blow their minds,” Spencer gushed. “Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out.”

We’ll eat our heart out too, if it means we don’t have to listen. Please?

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Friday: Ashley’s Authentic Breasts

ashleytisdale.jpgAshley Tisdale: Keeping Her Small Boobs, For Now
A fake nose is enough plastic for this pop tart, thank you very much! [Us]

Nelly Furtado’s Not Knocked Up
What, just because J. Lo does something, everyone has to do it? [Us]

Bai Ling Babbles Online About Arrest
The actress’ heart “feels sad” after being busted for stealing mags from an airport shop. [Us]

Pam Strips for Paris
America may be sick of her, but Paris (the city, not the skank) loves Pam, who performed a striptease at the infamous Le Crazy Horse saloon. [People]

Madonna’s Directorial Debut Dissed
The singer’s new film is getting bashed by critics. When is she gonna realize that movies just ain’t her thing? [NYDN]

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Britney Teaches Tots How to Grind

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We’re not quite sure how this happened or who allowed it, but Britney Spears, fully decked out in fishnets, boots and not much else, led a group of little kids in an hour-long dance class yesterday at Millenium Dance Complex. Brit was there to rehearse moves for her upcoming music video, but somehow wound up teaching the tots, ages 4-7, moves to old school Madonna songs. But don’t go thinking she was having them hump the floor! The director of the dance complex reveals that she, “even played age-appropriate games in a circle, pretending to be a choo-choo train. Britney was just amazing with the kids and everyone ended up having a blast. At the end of the hour class, all the kids hugged Britney and she seemed very happy.”

We can’t help but let our heart strings be tugged a little. It’s the first time in months that Britney’s done something sweet (though still a little weird), and surely she’s missing her own sons. The starlet had so much fun teaching the kids that she may even turn the class into a weekly gig – which would be the most consistent thing she’s done in years. If this is true, we totally approve of parents forcing dance classes on their kids, just to bask in the Britney, er, glow. [Us/People]

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Grammy Predictions: Who Will Win What?

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Each year the act of predicting which artists will take home a Grammy becomes one of pop music’s great guessing games. Someone picks a category, and everyone becomes a pundit. That includes us. We want your comments, too. Do you think our choices are right? Watch the show with us this Sunday night, and join our LIVE BLOG commentary right here at 8 pm.

RECORD OF THE YEAR

Beyonce: “Irreplaceable”
This screed about how the value of self-important men begins with a set of instructions: “To the left, to the left/ Everything you own in a box to the left.” Wonder how Jay-Z took that line?

Foo Fighters: “The Pretender”
Moderate rock, Dave Grohl-style: loud, passionate, dynamic, classic, and prog. Don’t forget the mildly rousing refrain of “Who are you?” But, sorry, it’s still boring.

Rihanna: “Umbrella”
Barbados’ answer to Madonna returned with a Jerry Bruckheimer-sized blockbuster of a disc, and this song, which stuck in our heads for the entire summer, was the centerpiece.

Justin Timberlake: “What Goes Around . . . Comes Around”
When coupled with Timbaland’s production, Justin’s soft-pop R&B added up to a great big rock opera.

Amy Winehouse: “Rehab”
They tried to make her go to rehab; she said no, no, no. Then she said yes, got some help in London, was denied a U.S. entry visa, and can’t perform at the Grammys. Too bad, since the song so thoroughly sums up the problems of 2007.

SHOULD WIN: “Rehab”
WILL WIN: “Umbrella”

BEST HIP-HOP ALBUM

Common: Finding Forever
Half hard, half hippie. Working the poetic tip, he keeps his political and philosophical ideas up front. Kanye’s production, even when it’s florid, does a great job of selling ‘em.

Nas: Hip-Hop Is Dead
Big indictment from the Queens MC, but Nas is nothing if not a provocateur. Though it’s not a home run, it’s gripping. And that flow of his can still make your jaw drop.

Jay-Z: Kingdom Come
Jigga bounced back, and there were lots of sharp moments, but it also felt like the true glory days of this mic fiend are gone. The American Gangster soundtrack is way stronger.

TI: T.I. vs T.I.P.
Yep, Mr. Split Personality may have been at war with himself, but that tension provided for revealing glimpse into the king of Dirty South’s psyche.

Kanye West: Graduation
Haughty is as haughty does. Hip-hop’s most reliable MC hasn’t given up on positioning himself as hip-hop’s most successful MC. But his bluster has oodles of creativity behind it, no question.

SHOULD WIN: Graduation
WILL WIN: Graduation

“Best New Artist” category after the jump.

Read more…

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Celeb Kids: Our Parents Used to Bone

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From the Department of Awkward Meetings: At last night’s Gucci party, Madonna brought along daugther Lourdes. Also in attendance was Lenny Kravitz‘s daughter Zoe from his relationship with Lisa Bonet. Just two celebrity progeny attending the same party. Nothing to see here, right? Wrong. Back in 1990, Lenny teamed up with Madonna to write “Justify My Love,” and allegedly, they decided to do a little justifying of their own. Lenny took a break from Bonet for Madge, meaning that Zoe was confronted with the woman who effectively ended her parents’ relationship last night.

Zoe’s not the only person who might have a problem with Madge and Len’s relationship. Just two years ago, Madonna’s husband Guy Ritchie dragged Madonna off the dancefloor when she was seen getting down with Lenny.

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Thursday: Madonna Makes More Money Than You

madonna.jpgMichelle Kicked Out Heath Cuz of His Drug Habit
Apparently the actor was tormented by an addiction that ended his relationship. Sigh – isn’t this story already sad enough? [NY Post]

Madonna is the Richest Mama in Music
The Material Girl makes the most money of all women in music, raking in $72 million last year. According to the Forbes list, Britney brought up the rear in 14th place. Here’s to women with fake British accents! [Us]

Avril Lavigne Wants You to Stink Like Her
Avs is about to follow the lead of every other lady singer and create her own perfume. Isn’t smelling good the opposite of punk? [DListed]

Paris Gets Hot n’ Heavy with Elisha Cuthbert
Nothing like a little girl-on-girl action to remind the world that Paris is still as annoying and attention-hungry as ever. [Us]
Hulk Hogan Endorses Obama for Prez
Finally the presidential campaign is relevant. Thanks Hulk. [TMZ]

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Lenny Kravitz Says No to Sex

lennykravitz.jpgRocker Lenny Kravitz recently offered up a little bit of TMI in an interview with Spin magazine, claiming that he hasn’t not had sex – none – in over three years. He croons, “[It's] just a promise I made until I get married. Where I’m at in life, the women have got to come with something else, not just the body, but the mind and spirit. It usually trips them out, but that’s the way it’s going to be. I’m looking at the big picture.”

So basically, what Lenny wants to know is: are you gonna go his way, ladies? We respect the guy’s renewed celibacy, but we have to be honest. Wouldn’t it be kinda hard for him to find someone new to sleep with if he was looking? His alleged lady roster includes: Lisa Bonet , Adriana Lima, Devon Aoki, Natalie Imbruglia, Vanessa Paradis, Kylie Minogue, Madonna, Penelope Cruz and Nicole Kidman - nevermind the other less famous ladies who have been there and done that. So maybe Lenny’s just taking a break because his lady well has finally run dry. [NYP]

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Madge & Mellencamp: Hall of Fame

It’s hard to define rock and roll these days. Punk pissiness, hard-hitting blues, disco fever? It’s all got an attitude that suits the music’s essence. This year the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is all over the place with its inductees list – and that’s good. Pop’s agent provocateur Madonna, the punchy denim rocker John Mellencamp, the sophisticated poet Leonard Cohen; each will be on board at the Hall’s annual ceremony at New York’s Waldorf Astoria. This time around it’s scheduled for March 10, 2008. VH1 Classic will show the event live. Here’s the entire list.

MadonnaMadonna
She’s been blowing minds ever since she wore underwear as outerwear, back in the early ’80s. The Material Girl is the ultimate changeling, moving from dance pop to trance pop, reinvigorating the art of spectacle along the way.

John MellencampJohn Mellencamp
His began as a chart-topping tough guy, fighting authority and singing ditties about Jack and Diane. He became a dedicated man of the people, rocking political moves with Farm Aid and his recent Jena Six track.

Leonard CohenLeonard Cohen
A soft-spoken lyricist who worked in Dylan’s shadow and created cinematic tracks about the anxiety of love, the Canadian bard has always worked the philosophical angle. His miniatures ask big questions.

The Dave Clark FiveThe Dave Clark Five
They rode the coat tails of the Beatles, but give it up: the Brit-Pop wonders dropped a string of great, frenzied songs between ’64 – ’66. From “Can’t You See That She’s Mine” to “Catch Us If You Can,” they were a blast.

The VenturesThe Ventures
Car tunes, surf tunes, riff tunes – the instrumental combo cornered the market on cool, oddball ditties in the early ’60s with classics such as “Walk, Don’t Run,” “Telstar,” and “Apache.” Every garage band has played one of their tunes at least once.

Little WalterLittle Walter
A master of the blues harp, the rough and tumble band leader helped Muddy Waters build his fierce and sexy Chicago blues before breaking off on his own to cut an array of gnarled little gems such as “Juke” and “Off the Wall.”

Gamble & HuffGamble & Huff
Writers and producers both, Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff hooked up to concoct one of R&B most durable sounds: Philly Soul. They’re responsible for the perfection that is Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes‘ “Back Stabbers” and The O’Jays‘ “Love Train.”

Which artist are you most hot to see at the Hall of Fame show?

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