Wanna know why Lindsay and Britney are all sorts of effed up? Look no further than the ladies that popped ‘em out. Dina Lohan and Lynne Spears both seem to prefer spending time focusing the spotlight on themselves than helping their kids. And this is why we LOVE them! Because really, can we ever have too many trashy ladies in our life? Even though Lindsay may be hiding out from the paparazzi for the first time in her life, Dina is busy mom-ing for the cameras for her new – what else – reality show! Dina will surely ruin her younger daughter Ali’s life by forcing her to star in it, but her reasons for the sure-to-be flop are true and genuine. “There are so many misconceptions about me and my family,” Mama Lohan said. “I’m setting the record straight.” Roughly translated, she means “Money money money money money fame money I’m jealous of Lindsay money money.”
Meanwhile the woman who soiled the world with her Spears spawn is set to write a tell-all book about her “personal story of raising high-profile children while coming from a low-profile Louisiana community.” Will Lynne detail how she enabled one of them to become a coked up divorcee and mom of two by the age of 25? We can only hope! That’s some seriously high-profile shizz! [Getty]
Paris Hilton Bails on Charity Trip
Big surprise – Paris would rather go shopping than go to Rwanda. The entire African continent is breathing one giant sigh of relief. [People]
Nicole Richie Bashes Hilary Duff
Even moms-to-be like to be catty – the bigger the belly, the bigger the b*tch. [DListed]
Owen Wilson Finally Speaks
The troubled actor is interviewed by director pal Wes Anderson in a chat to be published tonight on Myspace. Yay? [Us]
Brit’s Hit-and-Run Charges Disappear
wash shave those charges right out of her hair! Too bad she’s still in trouble for that whole driving without a license stupidity. [NYDN]
Lindsay Loves Hotel Living
LiLo holes up in a new hotel – because houses are so 2006. Pssst, Linds – so are leggings! [NYP]
Whoops! Lindsay Lohan backed out of hosting her birthday party at Las Vegas club Pure this summer to enroll in rehab, but she had no problem pocketing the $400,000 she was supposedly given for the gig. Now the club is holding her to her word, and she’s stuck hosting a New Year’s Eve party at the joint sober ‘cuz she doesn’t have enough dough to pay them back. So what the hell is our rehabbed diva gonna serve? [Getty]
Heidi Klum and Seal: Singing Together?
Just what we never wanted to see – Heidi Klum singing with her hubby. Next up: Seal aufs a bunch of designers. [Us]
Nicole Kidman’s Career in the Toilet?
With a bunch of bad films under her belt and her new fantasy flick (that cost $175 million to make) already getting trashed in the press, it might be time for Nicole to stop botoxing her face and stick a little juice in her career. [NYP]
Brit Leaves Back Up Dancers Unpaid
Big surprise – Britney still owes her VMA dancers some cash for their work. Starbucks is expensive ya’ll! [Us]
Baby Shiloh Travels in Style
Shiloh’s spoiled and has already seen more of the world in 17 months than we’ll see in our lifetimes. But at least our parents let us eat sugar cereals! [Ok]
The Many Faces of Lindsay’s New Man
Isn’t it cute how Riley Giles looks totally hot in every one of his four mugshots?! Zexy! [TMZ]
- Mariah Carey has an army prep her for a TV appearance. What, you didn’t think that sausage jumped into casing all by itself, did you? [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Jake Gyllenhaal, is that a new beard you’re rocking, or are you just back together with Reese Witherspoon? [Dlisted]
- Britney Spears‘ new facial modification strikes a question: are collagen injections just vaginoplasty for show-offs? [CityRag]
- ’80s-inspired chains rock the hip-hop community. But if it isn’t solid gold, it isn’t ’80s enough. [CONCRETELOOP]
- Lindsay Lohan‘s car is hit by a paparazzo. If you guys are trying to knock some sense into her, next time aim for her head! [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Heath Ledger reportedly is set to sign on for a sequel to Brokeback Mountain. It will chronicle his character’s experiences with homophobia and, let’s hope, his discovery of lube. [Dlisted]
- Whitney Houston makes a surprise appearance at London’s Swarovski Fashion Rocks show. She looks like a million bucks…and that’s not drug money or anything! [CONCRETELOOP]
- Victoria Beckham may benefit from a hair makeover she’s getting for the Spice Girls reunion. And if they throw in a free attitude adjustment, we’ll all benefit. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Shar Jackson wins Celebrity Rap-Off. I just cannot wait to see where this achievement will take her career! [Celebitchy]
- Lindsay Lohan‘s handler feels her up. He’s really serious about his job title. [CityRag]
The tale of Lindsay Lohan stealing another woman’s man at rehab is so juicy that it’s almost as good as one of those steamy, cheese-ball romance novels. So why not make it into one? We’ve used Breanna Tierney‘s interview with the National Enquirer as inspiration for a tale about this torrid, methed-up love triangle. Draw a hot bath, pour a tall glass of non-alcoholic wine and get ready to melt from the heat of Lindsay and Riley’s sober, forbidden love. There’s no treatment for this kind of passion!
Chapter 8: Their Love is Real, the Ring is Not
No moon was shining in the stairwell at the Cirque Lodge rehab facility, as windows were a luxury afforded only to the patients’ bedrooms. But Lindsay and Riley couldn’t touch in their bedrooms – couldn’t even have visitors in there – so this was where they painted the masterpiece of their young love. On the crusty, cigarette-butt covered stairs, their pale bodies mixed with the egg shell white paint until they became one giant canvas, together. Riley pressed his face into Lindsay’s shoulder, inhaling her scent like someone suffering from an asthma attack sucking their inhaler. Tangled in her hair, he was overcome by the sweet smell of the chicken fingers she had for dinner mixed with the pack of Marlboro Reds they had smoked together in group therapy. He grabbed her buttocks and gasped when he felt skin. “Holy eff,” he whispered into her freckled ear. “Your pants are already off?!”
“No you ass.” His red-haired lover’s voice sent chills down his acne-covered neck. “It’s my new Balenciaga small Classique bag in Mustard. I just got it and I didn’t want to put it on the floor. Doesn’t the leather feel nice?”
Overcome by a shared passion for couture goods sculpted from the hides of farm animals and crushed Percosets, they embraced. Their love had become an addiction no intervention could tear apart.
Video: Is Ellen Ending Her Dog Drama?
The talk show star has asked her fans to stop the death threats against the shelter owner who took her dog, but her fingers were probably crossed behind her back as she said it. [DListed]
Angelina Rocks New Look on Set
Saint Angie has shipped the fam to LA so she can rock this new dowdy 1940s look in her new flick. She looks more great-grandma than mom, but we’re sure Brad finds it sexy! [X17]
Lilo & Her Man’s Matching Mug Shots
It’s what little girls always dream about when they think of their future boyfriend – his sexy mugshot pic! Do you think they traded pics and wrote love notes on the back of them? [TMZ]
Oprah’s Serious Health Scare
Say it ain’t sOprah! Our favorite woman in the world fell ill with a thyroid problem this summer – but it was nothing a month-long Hawaiian vaca couldn’t cure! [E Online]
Britney’s Secret Court Hearing
There’s no word on why Brit and K-Fed’s lawyers got together with the judge in their custody case yesterday, but we guess it was to gossip about Brit’s latest fashion disaster. [Us Weekly]
No man? No problem! Not for Lindsay Lohan, who nabbed not one – but two taken guys while in rehab! You may recall the tale of the married man Linds supposedly shacked up with at Cirque Lodge, a romance which has since led to his wife divorcing him. Once that old guy was given the boot, Lindsay satiated her sexual appetite with Riley Giles, a 25-year old fellow patient and snowboarder. The actress has announced him as her boyfriend and has been seen toting him around like a Balenciaga bag. Alas, Riley was supposedly ENGAGED to someone else when he entered rehab, and blew off his fiancee, Bree Tierney, off by not returning her calls. Dissed and dismissed!
So the next time you find yourself single and in a pinch, take a couple hints on how to pick men from the home wrecking expert, Ms. Maneating Lohan:
1. The more taken the guy is, the better! Make sure he at least has given a lady a ring making their relationship official.
2. Kids? Kool! This means he’s probably thinks he doesn’t get laid enough and will gladly do whatever he can to unzip your J Brand jeans.
3. Always beat one addiction with another. Sexing up another gal’s guy will only make your attempt to kick the nose candy easier – and more enjoyable.
4. When people start accusing you of taking their men, just talk to the tabloids! They’ll straighten everything out for you AND pay you money (which you once could’ve used to buy blow. Sigh.)
Fellow Man Stealers – share your tips here! What’s the best way to dabble with another lady’s dude and get away with it? [Getty]
Lindsay Will Wash Cars for Cash
Lindsay Gives Her Manager Mom the Boot
Lindsay Reveals All After Rehab
Lindsay Breaks Up Marriage
Lindsay Lohan: Actress. Addict. Homewrecker?
Ellen’s Pup Problems Escalate
She may have wept openly on her show yesterday, but Ellen’s flack has apparently been playing a little dirty with the dog agency in question, whose president is now receiving death threats. [NYP]
Hills Stars Spencer & Heidi Get Hacked
Hackers allegedly broke into the couple’s respective blogs and posted confessions, claiming that they leaked the sex tape rumors about co-star LC. We smell two idiots orchestrating a super-smart publicity stunt! [People]
Pics: Pam Anderson’s White Wedding
Hurray! It’s the first pic from Pam’s Vegas wedding and – big surprise – she looks like she does all the time. Tiny skirt, big hair and massive boobs say matrimony to us! [Ok!]
Brit Bashes her Custody Judge
The worst mom in LA was overheard ragging on the judge in her court case. That’s the way to get those babies back, girl! [Us]
Lindsay Drops By Favorite LA Haunts
She’s backkkkkk. Linds did a little shopping yesterday on Robertson Blvd. surrounded by a posse of paparazzi. And here we thought she had kicked her addiction to attention. [DListed]