Recent comments Dr. Drew‘s made about Tom Cruise and Scientology have landed him in hot water with one of Tom’s people. In the upcoming issue of Playboy, the Celebrity Rehab guru says:
“A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood – maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”
It’s definitely more bold than Dr. Drew’s usual media commentary, which tends to be more practical than speculative. That said, the response of Tom’s lawyer, Bert Fields, puts Drew’s liberty taking to shame:
“This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”
So Drew calls Scientology a cult (which, come on, it is!) and he gets called a Nazi? Yeah, that’s fair. Way to help your case and ensure that people will take you seriously, Bert. [New York Post]
Update: Via his rep, Dr. Drew responds: “Dr. Drew meant no harm to Mr. Cruise and apologizes if his comments were hurtful.”
Let me be the first to say “NO THANK YOU” to the news that Katie Holmes and her master Tom Cruise will be moving to New York City so that Katie can star in the Broadway play All My Sons. Surely she’s convinced this will make her a “serious actress” – something Mad Money came so close to accomplishing, natch – but what the Cruises don’t really get is that their presence will make our fair city seriously suck. Our city is already packed with crazies stomping around in Burberry trenches and giant sunglasses. And spoiled toddlers? Yeah, we’ve got those too. Unless Tom can use his super powers to ensure that every NYC resident can easily get a cab at 5PM on a Wednesday, we’ve got no use for him here. Bah! [People]
Why, Oprah, why? Our talk queen heroine has invited the king of crazy back on her show to celebrate the 25th anniversary of his flick Risky Business. Tommy will make not one, but TWO appearances on her show in May to coincide with the sweeps season, when all of America tunes in to see what the networks can cough up before the TV execs speed away to the Hamptons for the summer and leave us watching reruns of Home Improvement on cable.
Tom’s rep gushed that, “He is really looking forward to it.” Of course he is. The guy is excited about EVERYTHING. So get ready for the most intense two hours of television America – and when it’s over, pour a little bit of Cristal out for your girl Katie Holmes, who experiences that insanity on a daily basis. Poor thing.
Katie Holmes is allegedly sick of her couch-jumping hubby, and is trying to take their toddle Suri and escape to the Big Apple. A source (clearly the Sur-meister) reveals that Tom’s claws are firmly in Katie’s skin, and he’s not letting her go anytime soon. “She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there’s no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away,” spills the spy. “There’s no way he’ll allow it. He just doesn’t want Katie — or Suri — out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her.”
So what is a trapped wife to do to escape the wrath of her obsessed husband?
1. Train with Top Model’s Benny Ninja on how to dance one’s way through Tom’s elaborate laser security system.
2. Dig a tunnel from Chez Cruise to Victoria Beckham‘s palace. Grab prepared lunch of soy beans from Posh and escape through her backyard.
3. Hideout with parents in Ohio for a few weeks. Tom will never think to look for his wife there – even with his giant Scientology-provided space satellite.
4. Arrive in New York via moped with Suri in a sidecar. Buy out the entire Plaza Hotel with all that Dawson’s Creek money and re-start career on Broadway! Guest star on Gossip Girl as an evil alum back to recruit new blood. Wear sweat pants. The new Katie is born (again!). [Star]
Looks like Scientology is looking to recruit some fresh blood, and being that they’re an equal opportunity establishment, they’d like some African-American representatives to preach their gospel. According to Radar, Kimora Lee Simmons and Will Smith and his wife Jada are the latest couch-jumpers to join the ranks. Smith and his wife — longtime friends and photo opps of Tom Cruise — make sense, but Kimora? Apparently the recently sperminated Baby Phat founder distributed copies of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s The Way To Happiness at her kids’ school. Umm…inappropriate?
And speaking of inappropriate, or maybe just awkward, more evidence of Tom Cruise’s completely bizarro ways has surfaced in the form of his birthday video from a few years back. After a video montage with accompanying music to Tommy’s greatest scenes, Tom hops on stage for a
rousing rendition of “Old Time Rock And Roll.” Just goes to show kids: Scientology might make you famous, but it won’t make you any less tone deaf.
For clues as to who else in Hollywood is a Friend of Tom’s, check out our Sexy Scientologist flipbook.
Well, not Bart Simpson exactly (though wouldn’t that just be precious?!), but the woman behind the voice of America’s adorable cartoon troublemaker, Nancy Cartwright. The vocal talent, who apparently makes $250,000 per Simpsons episode, donated $10 million dollars to the Church of Scientology, of which she is a longtime member. Her contribution was put toward their creepy “Global Salvage” movement, the goal of which is “to rid mankind of psychology ills and other “aberrant behavior.”
Way to go, Nancy! She also beat out other uber-famous Scientologists with her donation. Tom “Demon Eyes” Cruise and Jenny Craig hawker Kirstie Alley gave a measly $5 million each, while John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston plopped down $1 million a piece. We can only imagine what kid of good deeds that cash is being used for, but we welcome a couple Gs thrown our way to rid us of our taco-addicted ills and aberrant habit of not wearing designer jeans. [Page Six]
First, we’d like to thank whichever Scientology traitor is releasing all the wonderful Tom Cruise videos, as well as this email, allegedly from King of Queens actress Leah Remini. Yes, the rambling, confusing email could simply be a hoax. But what’s fun about approaching this crap with reason?
Below are a couple of excerpts from the supposed email, in which Remini (allegedly) guilt-trips lazy Scientologists into getting back involved with the church, beginning with some brunch she’s holding. The rest is the usual Scientology lingo you’ve come to know and love: SPs, OTs, ORGs, CS, LRH, FARTS, etc etc. It should only take you a few days to figure out what it all means!
Leah starts:
Hi! This is Leah Remini Writing you again. Some of you may know me from
the TV show “King of Queens”, but what is more important is that I am now OT V and at one point I was a very stalled Clear. A lot of people helped me to get OT, and I decided I was going to turn around and help every Clear make it to OT.
[click to continue…]
We love this new video – featuring Jerry O’Connell - which simultaneously mocks Tom Cruise and supports the Writers Strike all at once. Talk about some serious KSW! Jerry’s imitation of Tom’s excessive laughing and demon proves that the guy still can act, even if he did do his best work when he was 11.
Meanwhile, superhero Stephen Colbert paid tribute to his striking writers with a riveting rendition of the old gospel hymn, “Go Down Moses (Let My People Go).” Singing beside him are Ambassador Andrew Young, Tipping Point author Malcolm Gladwell, and the Harlem Gospel Choir. Poignant and hilarious in that “I’m not really laughing but this is smart and funny” sort of way.
Just when we were getting sick of Tom Cruise‘s intense gaze and sci-fi slang, comes a new video of the actor winning the IAS Freedom Medal of Valor in some Scientology auditorium or temple surrounded by fellow worshippers worshipping him. What an honor! If you enjoy strange salutes, inside jokes, and eerie calls to arms made by movie stars with massive egos, then this is totally your thing. So my fellow SPs, enjoy this clip quickly before it’s snatched off the web by Xenu. LRH would want you to!
Updated: All six of the juicy Tom Cruise Scientology Videos can be found here in order. Did you know Tom Cruise is singlehandedly responsibly for saving and curing the firemen who fell ill after rescuing people at the World Trade Center on 9-11? Watch and learn!
