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Calm down, Top Model fiends. We know it was alleged today that Tyra Banks is desperate to dump the popular American’s Next Top Model in order to focus on her mediocre talk show. Apparently there’s also a rift between her and Mr. Jay Manuel that’s also adding to her supposed exit. But let’s be real - that ain’t NEVER gonna happen!
1. If Tyra doesn’t like someone, she just gives them the boot! If Mr. Jay was really that much of an issue, wouldn’t he be expelled just like Janice Dickenson, Twiggy and Nole Marin? Tyra loves kicking people off her show - it’s the whole basis of Top Model!
2. Let’s be frank - girlfriend LIVES for this show. She loves counseling young souls who look up to her with giant doe eyes almost as much as she loves berating them from her perch in the judging room (see video above for proof). How could she give that up?
3. America’s Next Top Model is by far THE most important show to air on television since its inception over sixty years ago. I Love Lucy, Sixty Minutes, Saturday Night Live - these shows pale in comparison to the cultural significance Top Model represents. It is beyond groundbreaking and earth shattering programming - it is a weekly revolution. [Ed. note: I’m only saying this in case Tyra IS serious about taking away Top Model. We need our weekly fierce fest!]
Leave Tyra Banks alone. Seriously. Don’t come to New York City again trying to make contact with her, and definitely do not lurk at her studio with a duffel bag full of magazine clippings about the supermodel and notes about your previous stalking attempts. Just because you’re reportedly big and muscly, doesn’t mean you scare us - or Tyra! The police may have let you go this time, but if you come back to mess with our Top Model, you better believe we’ll be calling the cops - or taking you down with a citizen’s arrest! Stalking ain’t cool, Mr. Green, and just because Tyra’s studio supposedly has no security doesn’t mean we won’t be guarding our beloved chatterbox with all our might. Not that TB needs our help - when life deals her something scary, she just turns it into a photoshoot on America’s Next Top Model. Now THAT is fierce (unlike you).
The girls of America’s Next Top Model learn so much in their time under Tyra Banks’ watchful eye - how to pose, walk on a runway and smile with their eyes, for example. But now we can add “total destruction of property” to the list of top model requirements! Yes, Tyra’s girls are already acting like divas, after they apparently wrecked the $6 million loft that served as their Big Apple home during the taping of the popular show. An insider revealed that, “These girls not only destroyed the floors, it appears they had food fights. There’s ketchup and coffee splattered all over the landlord’s $20,000 white drapes. There’s lipstick on the walls. They moved in furniture and made holes all along the walls.”
Classsssssy. The production crew didn’t help the mess either, and they apparently destroyed floors and walls while trying to rig lighting. Now the landlord is supposedly freaking out with $500,000 worth of damage and no one to live in the loft. Tyra’s peeps reportedly tried to settle for $125,000, but the owner ain’t having that ish. Now that’s fierce! [NYP]
Only one of us can be America’s Next Top Media Mogul, and Tyra Banks is determined to win that title. The model-turned-dream-crusher-turned-Oprah-wannabe has begun working on her latest TV venture, a reality competition about the magazine business, of which she knows nothing about. Sure she’s been in a billion magazines, but you know, I’ve been in a lot of skyscrapers, yet you don’t see me trying to build one. “It is a competition show about aspiring assistants looking to become assistant editors at a fashion magazine,” says Tyra BFF/executive producer Ken Mok. “At the same time they’re trying to prove themselves as aspiring fashionistas, that they have a sense of style and savvy - all the things to make it in the fashion world.”
Hurray! More skinny girls crying and fighting over who ate whose food. Riveting, surely. Next thing we know Tyra will go from making a show about the biz, to naming a magazine after herself. There’s no stopping the genius (or the ego) of Tyra Banks. [Reuters]
Pretty much everything that comes out of Tyra’s mouth is comedic genius. She takes herself - and everything she does - so seriously, that it only accentuates the campiness of her endeavors. So it’s hard for us to feel any sympathy when she complains about the hollowness of her personal life. Tyra is the new cover girl of this month’s Essence, and she dramatically unleashes her woes to the mag in her interview. “I’d go to work [on ‘The Tyra Banks Show’], and women would be crying in my arms,” she reveals. “But then I’d go home and put my key in my door and … nothing. No friends, no husband, no children. I feel so full when I’m at work but so empty when I come home.”
That’s funny, because when we come home we feel totally full after we leap into Tyra’s virtual arms and watch her show on our TiVo. We’d suggest that she spend less time worry about our vaginas and more time fretting over hers, but then we’d be lost without her. It’s a vicious cycle.
Tyra Banks is the sh*t. Seriously. If you don’t get off on her spazzing about the wonders of vaseline in a mock Oprah moment or testing fake hair with a fan, there is something wrong with you. Trust. Check out our fave Tyra moment above if you’re a non-believer. She brings the world the best in trash TV, while trying to hide it behind some sort of meaningful facade. This makes her kind of brilliant because we buy it all, from the Top Model marathons to the vagina puppet. Yes, Tyra is the master of our TiVo. So it was pretty disappointing to learn that the woman who reps all things fierce (or so she says) is allegedly too freaked out to get it on with dudes because she’s afraid guys won’t like her without her wig on. A source says that “Tyra is a confident woman for the most part, but she is really insecure about her hair. She doesn’t want any guy to see her without her wigs or hair extensions. Tyra feels like guys are with her for her image that they see on TV and in magazines. If one wakes up without her glamorous hair, she’s worried he may not call back!”
We have a hard time believing that the woman who is so comfortable with everything goin’ on “down there” can’t handle her own hair. That’s not our Tyra! If a man is givin’ her beef about how she look sans extensions, girlfriend needs to put on that brown bathing suit and give him a piece of her mind. For the love of all things fierce!
- Mary J. Blige’s Growing Pains album art surfaces. Why the long face, Mary? Show me that smile again… [SOULBOUNCE.com]
- And speaking of album covers, the one for Foxy Brown’s Brooklyn’s Don Diva bites off famous images of Lil’ Kim and Pam Grier. Gee, Foxy, running out of iconic strong women to rip off? [Jezebel]
- Maroon 5 manwhore Adam Levine goes bare-chested for Halloween. For some, it’s “Slutoween”; for Adam Levine, it’s just another day the office. [Dlisted]
- I’ll take Britney butt over Britney beaver any day. [CityRag]
- Tyra Banks steps out in hazardously tight tights. The better to kiss her fat ass with. [CONCRETELOOP]
- R. Kelly’s child-porn case finally is going to trial in September. Is that Chicago’s rainy season? [Dlisted]
- Scarlett Johansson’s spread as the face of Louis Vuitton debuts. Kanye West is somewhere biting his fist, fuming in jealousy. [Egotastic!]
- Tyra Banks dramatically poses for cameras in Central Park and the look is less America’s Next Top Model, more America’s Next Top Scrapple. That’s to say: hammy. [Crunk+ Disorderly]
- Nicole Richie tells Diane Sawyer that she was shocked to learn that Vicodin and marijuana could impair her driving. In related news, Nicole Richie was shocked to find out that food helps you think. [Jezebel]
- Rihanna goes shopping on crutches. The things people do for attention! [CONCRETELOOP]
- Julia Roberts gives birth to a son, Henry. After watching Charlotte’s Web, I was hoping she was carrying a spider egg sac in her womb. Boring old Julia strikes again! [Dlisted]
- Rumors of a Tyra Banks sex tape begin to swirl. Apparently, the video is grainy but you can hear her and her dude talking to each other. At one point, she tells him to, "Kiss my fat vagina." [CONCRETELOOP]
- Kelis performs in an outfit that looks like it’s made of used toilet paper. I’ve seen grade-school party decorations that look sexier than she does. [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Matt Damon and Ben Affleck hit Hawaii for a family vacation. The only thing notable about this is that Matt looks husky. It’s for a role, though – he’s signed on to star in The Bourne Patisserie. [A Socialite’s Life]
- Britney Spears has a near nip-slip that leaves her areola squished and looking like pepperoni. This is the 2007 version of snapping into a Slim Jim. [Egotastic!]
- Tyra Banks says holding a wine glass makes her feel sexy. This comes from her misunderstanding the phrase, "Nice stems." [I’m Not Obsessed]
- Avril Lavigne flips off the paparazzi. This is because, she is an anar-CHAIST!!! [Dlisted]
- A rep at the California DMV says he has "no idea" why Nicole Richie has her license after her DUI charge. Because she’s famous. Duh. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com]
- Angelina Jolie double fists Zahara and Pax. This is what you call binge parenting. [Just Jared]
- I’m sad to report that Charm School’s Shay and Andre 3000 are not dating. I’m sorry, Miss Johnson. [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Mischa Barton openly smokes a joint in public. Way to rub it in our faces that you’re rich and underemployed, Meesh. [CityRag]
- Tyra Banks trolls around in a form-fitting beige overcoat. Go-go Gadget Botox! [Cake & Ice Cream]
- The Sex and the City movie inches its way toward becoming a reality. By the time this thing gets made, the stars will be so old that they’ll have to call it Sex and Senility. [Dlisted]
- Janet Jackson lands on the cover of Us again for keeping off that 60 extra lbs. she rocked over a year ago. Wow, she kept off weight. Whoo hoo. Someone give her a freaking cookie or something. [Sandra Rose]
Pretty much everything that comes out of Tyra’s mouth is comedic genius. She takes herself - and everything she does - so seriously, that it only accentuates the campiness of her endeavors. So it’s hard for us to feel any sympathy when she complains about the hollowness of her personal life. Tyra is the new cover girl of this month’s 
- Mary J. Blige’s Growing Pains album art surfaces. Why the long face, Mary? Show me that smile again… [
- R. Kelly’s child-porn case finally is going to trial in September. Is that Chicago’s rainy season? [
- Julia Roberts gives birth to a son, Henry. After watching Charlotte’s Web, I was hoping she was carrying a spider egg sac in her womb. Boring old Julia strikes again! [
- I’m sad to report that Charm School’s Shay and Andre 3000 are not dating. I’m sorry, Miss Johnson. [
