Tiny Girl, Big Voice, Bad Dance Moves
Dear little dancing girl who loves to sing the Backstreet Boys in an off-key voice while waving her hands like she just don’t care what rhythm is,
Hey there. We are a lot older than you and therefore smarter by default (and thanks to some mortifying life experiences). Here is some sage advice: turn off the webcam. Place it into a pillowcase, along with your glasses, stripped sweater and computer. Get in your parents’ car (this is totally fine), drive to the closet lake (we’re guessing Erie), steal a boat (again, acceptable in this situation) and drive it out into the middle of the lake. Now dump everything in the water, make sure it falls far away to the bottom, turn around, drive the boat and car home, and never look back.
PS: Watch your language!
PPS: We love you.
[via BWE]





If you aren’t feeling infuriated enough over the state of the world, you’d be wise to check out “
This photo of Lou Pearlman seemed to be begging for a caption, something like “It was awesome!” Or simply, “Boys!” But both of these felt really wrong. In case you aren’t sure who that big old fat dude is, he’s the puppet master behind such boy band phenomenons as The Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC (and their insignificant copycats Take 5 and LFO). The problem is, he not only made these guys, he also maybe molested them. According to a new Vanity Fair article, Pearlman allegedly preyed on his young future stars, and traded sexual favors with promises of boy band stardom. His former assistant said, “I would absolutely say the guy was a sexual predator. All the talent knew what Lou’s game was. Some guys joked about it. I remember [one singer] asking me, ‘Have you let Lou [fellate] you yet?’ ”


Britney’s Got Major Car Troubles
