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Ay Mami! Check out the photos of J.Lo looking en fuego in a white bikini with hubby Marc Anthony and their twins, Max and Emme, who Jennifer gave birth to just four short months ago. The singers took their spawn on a little vacation to Tenerife, Spain, along with Jennifer’s sister Linda. J.Lo was spotted texting on her cell phone and relaxing in the sun.
I’m not turned on, and neither is her husband, from the look of things. Is there anything less sexy than trying to hard? Blergh.
J.Lo has millions upon billions of dollars from her perfume, clothing line and oh yeah - that acting and singing career she once had. So why the hell does she need - much less want - to do a reality TV show about motherhood? The TLC show is already in production and will document Lope’z daily struggles to juggle motherhood - ie: yelling at the nannies - with the launch of her new perfume. “I’m looking forward to sharing this exciting journey together,” says the momzilla. Yes, sharing the journey with a handful of viewers and the 40 servants who will really do all the “work” on the show will be SO exciting!
Hello, new Lopez-Anthony royalty. We do not know your names yet, little twins, but let us imagine them to be Jennifer 2: The Sequel and Mennifer. You are new to this earth - only 12 hours old - but surely you are already wise. You have seen how sexy and glamorous that woman whose breasts you are not allowed to suckle is, and surely you’ve marveled at the Armani couture birthing garment that she wore for your special day. You’ve been swaddled in diapers made of zebra hair and silk and nestled into your nursery as Diana Ross herself sings you lullabies. You are special. You are spoiled. Enjoy it. Don’t feel bad when you are each driven around in your own Escalade pulled by Clydesdale horses. Do not resist the temptation to carry around that miniature Balenciaga bag. You can do whatever you want - BUT! - whatever you do, do not be seen rolling with those Federline boys. They’re already bad news. [People]
Here come those golden nuggets of baby that Jennifer Lopez has been lugging around for nine months! The Gigli star is currently holed up giving birth in her private room at the North Shore University Hospital, where she is presumably being fanned by a small army of male models and fed grapes by an endangered monkey, as an assistant does all the pushing for her. The room sat empty for two weeks before J. Lo arrived, complete with plush leather couches and beefed up security. Hospital staff even supposedly ran drills to prepare for a possible Lopez-Anthony baby kidnapping. Rats! They foiled my plan!
Clearly, Jenny thinks she is the unofficial Queen of America, but she may be the only one at her coronation. People mag has reportedly offered Lopez $6 million for exclusive photos of her kids that will go in their US edition only, and OK! has forked over a bundle for the international rights. But why didn’t they go for the right to print the photos here in the States? One unimpressed expert responds: “Look at her track record with her movies, and look at her album sales. The U.S. market hasn’t been fascinated with her in some time,” the source said. “It makes more sense to not spend a fortune on photos that won’t cause a noticeable increase on the newsstand. This just isn’t going to sell like Shiloh (Jolie-Pitt), and $6 million is a lot of money.”
J. Lo’s Hubby: Singing About Baby?
Marc Anthony belted out Journey’s love song “Faithfully” at a recent show and dedicated it to his wife. Either he wants us to know she’s knocked up, or he just loves really bad 80’s jams. [Us]
Britney Gets Her Babies Back
The singer had her visitation rights with her kids reinstated, which means they’ll probably be taken away in a couple of hours. [TMZ]
Is Ellen a Chronic Dog Ditcher?
A producer has come forward to reveal that the talk show host adopted, and then re-gifted, her pup a few years back. The plot of Puppy-gate thickens! [NYP]
Kim Kardashian Claims to be Tame
The big-bootied nobody says she’s not a party girl - she just poses as one in Playboy. [Us]
Brangelina Mix Business with Pleasure
The perfect pair are producing a new HBO show together about aid workers saving the world. We wanted sex tapes! [People]
Holy crap everyone! Jennifer Lopez can have BABIES! Maybe even - get this - TWO of them! We are FREAKING OUT! I mean seriously, can you imagine - a woman having a baby!? Much less, a super famous woman who makes bad movies and sing mediocre songs that are fun to dance to after two mojitos! Here we were thinking all Jennifer Lopez could do was look hot in revealing Versace dresses and ruin Ben Affleck’s career. But we were wrong. Dead wrong. She can - gasp! - reproduce. Who cares if millions of other women do this every year. This is J. effing LO we are talking about! We should get a day off from work when her child (children?) is born! Let’s face it - we will be too in awe to even look at the computer screen. Most of all, we can’t wait to hear how she accomplished this amazing feat. We hope that her husband Marc Anthony had something to do with it! Whee! [Us Weekly]
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Vid: Paris Loses Her Latest Pup
The heiress lives up to her reputation as a poor pet owner when her latest animal accessory, a tiny Yorkie named “Cinderella”, sneaks out of the house where Paris is hanging. [X17]
Katie and Suri Keep Getting Cuter
Is it us or does Suri bring out the adorable side of her doting mom? Check out these pics of Katie Holmes and her daughter cuddling and cheering at pal David Beckham’s soccer match to see for yourself. [JustJared]
J. Lo and Hubby: “We are so normal!”
After filming some scenes dealing with spousal abuse in their upcoming film project El Cantante, Marc Anthony marvels at how normal he and wife Jennifer Lopez are. Rightttt. [NY Post]
