Because this weekend’s films have received uniformly poor reviews, we’ve rounded up selections from the funniest and most brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. Mad Money is absurd and Katie Holmes apparently forgot how to act; 27 Dresses is just sort of sad; and Cloverfield is a special-effects trailer blown up to 84 minutes.

Mad Money:
“Don’t take the money, just run: And the cinematic comeback of the year award goes to . . . someone other than Katie Holmes, whose comedy Mad Money is the most cringe-making return since Love Boat: The Next Wave. Holmes, with Alice Cooper hair and crazy Jim Carrey eyes, looks terrible and acts worse, unless this movie is unintentionally a lobotomy documentary. Whatever could have happened to her in the last couple of years to zap the talent out of her like this?” — The New York Post, surreptitiously referring to Tom Cruise and, perhaps, the Church of Scientology

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Tags: Katie Holmes•Cloverfield•Mad Money•27 Dresses•Movies

The fine minds over at New York magazine’s Vulture blog have pointed to a clip of the monster from Cloverfield, J.J. Abrams’ super-secret disaster film opening tomorrow. The movie’s shot from the point of view of a group of people who are on the streets of Manhattan when the thing attacks — and not, say, filmed from the lofty vantage of the president, newspaper editor-in-chief and five-star army general. It’s filled with shaky, hand-held footage and apparently offers a disturbingly real vision of New York City post tragic disaster. While that might be fun for the movie people in L.A. (and, indeed, everywhere else on Earth), us New York people are a little skittish about, you know, the End Of The World. Maybe that’s because we’ve become friendly with the guy who wears the placard that reads “The End Is Nigh!” all the time, seeing as how we hang out with him sometimes on our lunchbreak and discuss politics, Revelation, print-making, etc. Regardless, if you want to poison your mind with visions of the beast, click here. If not, steer clear of this post — and theaters this weekend.

And by the way, this isn’t the first time a monster or an alien or a terrorist tried to ruin NYC. Have fun checking our list of previous attempts.


Tags: Cloverfield•Movies